Barack Obama Irish, Not American

Dublin, Ireland.

In a move that far right whackjob American conservatives are calling a turning point in their Birther campaign, President Barack Obama yesterday proclaimed himself Irish in front of a live crowd of one hundred thousand well wishers in the Irish capital city of Dublin.

The shock admission came as the President of the United States was beginning a whirlwind tour of Europe where he promised there would be more surprise announcements to come.

Speaking outside the former Irish Parliament on College Green Mr. Obama looked relaxed and at ease as he talked to his Irish, non-American brethren, even joking with the crowd "You can call me a Mick, a Paddy, a potato muncher, hell you can even call me a bog-trotter!" and then, pausing to look over his shoulder with a cheeky grin and talking in a mock whisper he added,  "Juss don't call me a Muslim!"

The crowd erupted in laughter and cheer, hanging on his every word, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house as Mr. Obama spoke to them of his inner conflict when denying his Irish heritage in the past and his lifelong struggle to be perceived as an American.

Seemingly oblivious to the untold damage this revelation has done to his election campaign for 2012 or even his legitimacy as President, Mr. Obama has promised further revelations during his European trip.  Whitehouse spokesperson Ollie Freeman hinted that Mr. Obama will go into intimate detail on just what technique he used when snorting cocaine in his youth in order to get "completely loaded" and will discuss his despair after failing to win the audition for the part of the Predator in the 1987 smash hit movie of the same name.  "The president feels that honesty is the best policy and he's at a stage now where he's getting into stride in his presidency, you know, he's really enjoying himself."

A-lister poster boy for the Birther movement; a sneering Donald Trump addressed a crowd of reporters via comlink from his secret golden fortress.  "I feel vindicated now that the President has publicly announced that he is not a true blue white American and that his claim to the presidency is fraudulent.  The fact that we now know him to be a Spudfucker as well as being black really seals it."  

 "We got 'im!" he added, with that shit eating grin of his.

In a final statement on the matter of his nationality the president proclaimed he was renouncing his slave name and would only answer to the name Barry O'Bama from now on.

In Other News:  An excitable Enda Kenny, Taoiseach  of Ireland,  was rushed to hospital after yesterdays ceremony following a severe brain hemorrhage brought on by his impassioned speech introducing the US President.  He also suffered several burst blood vessels in his eyeballs and a nasty sore throat and will be sucking on Strepsils for several weeks to come.