Reporter: Dr Margot Fontaine DPhil
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Western civilisation was dealt a fatal blow on Tuesday when newly founded startup Manappies® signed an historic deal with Onesie-Funsies®, the company behind babywear for fully fucking grown men.
Founded less than six months ago the merger of the startup with established industry giant Onesie-Funsies® signals a change in the world of fashion and the world at large that could have far reaching consequences for Western civilisation.
MaNappies® founder and chairman Percival Baxter-Smyth III mused on the rapid rise in popularity of this latest deconstruction of the human condition. “The predilection for wearing nappies and infant clothing by fully grown men was once the preserve of eccentric millionaires, but in just the last twelve months there has been a rapid interest and widespread acceptance in the mainstream for this fabulous way of life.”
“Indeed, the embrace of all things infantile has been championed by none other than the guardians of Western civilisation; our actors, musicians and celebrities. I think it is to them that we owe a debt of gratitude.”
“Apart from the fantastic fashionosity of it all there are the practical aspects to think of too. Why, during the very time that we have had this conversation I have soiled myself on three occasions.”
The Onesie-Funsies®-MaNappies® Summer 2013 Collection promises to degrade and emasculate the Western male even further with the release of such grotesqueries as the Big-Boy-Bib™, Hercules-Poopy-Cream™ and the Soothy-Woothy™ male pacifier.
The decline of modern civilisation
While Smyth has no small part to play in the downfall of Western society, his contribution of a designer grown man’s nappy is symptomatic of a much bigger threat facing humankind in general. Apathy.
Today, walking unaided on the streets in a town you live in, are fully fucking grown men wearing the clothing of newborn babies. No one stops to point at them. There is not even a hint of revulsion or scorn for these man-children. What we must do as custodians of common decency is take them across our knees and spank, spank, spank until some sense of awareness and decorum seeps into their enfeebled little minds. Only with decisive actions like this does Western civilisation stand any chance of a re-emergence in this century or the next.
These grown men proudly soil themselves and wear onesies in public
Mark my words.
M.F. February 2013