Reporter: Dr Margot
Fontaine DPhil
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Western civilisation was dealt a fatal blow on Tuesday when
newly founded startup Manappies® signed an historic deal with Onesie-Funsies®,
the company behind babywear for fully fucking grown men.
Founded less than six months ago the merger of the startup
with established industry giant Onesie-Funsies® signals a change in the world
of fashion and the world at large that could have far reaching consequences for
Western civilisation.
MaNappies® founder and chairman Percival Baxter-Smyth III mused
on the rapid rise in popularity of this latest deconstruction of the human condition. “The predilection for wearing nappies and infant
clothing by fully grown men was once the preserve of eccentric millionaires,
but in just the last twelve months there has been a rapid interest and
widespread acceptance in the mainstream for this fabulous way of life.”
“Indeed, the embrace of all things infantile has been championed
by none other than the guardians of Western civilisation; our actors, musicians
and celebrities. I think it is to them that we owe a debt of gratitude.”
“Apart from the fantastic fashionosity of it all there are
the practical aspects to think of too. Why,
during the very time that we have had this conversation I have soiled myself on
three occasions.”
The Onesie-Funsies®-MaNappies® Summer 2013 Collection
promises to degrade and emasculate the Western male even further with the
release of such grotesqueries as the Big-Boy-Bib™, Hercules-Poopy-Cream™ and the
Soothy-Woothy™ male pacifier.
The decline of modern
civilisation
While Smyth has no small part to play in the downfall of
Western society, his contribution of a designer grown man’s nappy is symptomatic
of a much bigger threat facing humankind in general. Apathy.
Today, walking unaided on the streets in a town you live in,
are fully fucking grown men wearing the clothing of newborn babies. No one stops to point at them. There is not even a hint of revulsion or
scorn for these man-children. What we
must do as custodians of common decency is take them across our knees and spank,
spank, spank until some sense of awareness and decorum seeps into their
enfeebled little minds. Only with
decisive actions like this does Western civilisation stand any chance of a re-emergence
in this century or the next.
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These grown men proudly soil themselves and wear onesies
in public
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Mark my words.
M.F. February 2013
