tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-32762280881215845952024-03-05T11:38:33.424+00:00The Templar TimesA Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.comBlogger29125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-70998250189552823882013-12-31T20:54:00.001+00:002013-12-31T20:56:11.813+00:00The Templar Times Celebrates Publication of Fifth News Article of 2013<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In what has proven to be a whirlwind year of ground-breaking
news reporting, gripping exposes and top class journalism, The Templar Times
this week celebrated the publication of its fifth news article of 2013.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><i>The
Templar Times newsroom: </i><br />nerve center of
the publishing giant</b> </span></span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Considered by many to be the world’s leading online news
source, it has always been The Templar Times credo that quality above quantity
be the guiding force behind all newsworthy stories reported to its slavering audience.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">2013 has proven to be the year where the quality bar was
raised higher than ever before since the founding of the newspaper in 1888 by
brothers Thadeus and Sigmund Templar – with only five articles being considered
worthy of publication, including this one.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Chief Editor Gottfried Templar: "After 125 years of publishing we are only
now really hitting our stride, putting out the stories that our competitors are
only too willing to ignore in pursuit of what they see as so-called valid
mainstream media expectations. We have
no such compunctions here at the Times; and I think our record in 2013 reflects
this."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"In fact, in 2014 we plan to raise the bar even further and
put out even less articles than we did this year."</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"We look forward to seeing all of you then, our loyal readers, and wish you all the very best for an industrious and productive new year from all the hard working staff here at The Templar Times."</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><i>Above:</i> Crowds gather
in New York’s Times </b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Square </b><b>for </b><b>the launch of The Templar Times </b></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b><i><a href="http://archie-templar.blogspot.com.es/2013/02/editorial-historic-manappies-and-onesie.html">MaNappies-Onsie Funsies</a> </i></b><b>report; </b><b>an
article </b></span><b><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Time magazine called "a game changer."</span></b></td></tr>
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A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-24871045362646333922013-12-18T20:54:00.000+00:002013-12-18T21:00:09.195+00:00Chinese Man Looks Oddly Out Of Place At STAR WARS Auditions<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Mr Chung
joins the hopeful masses at London’s O2</span></span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>London, England:</b> As
the media juggernaut that is the <i>Star Wars Episode VII-IX Auditions Tour</i> jumps to
hyperdrive and invades Europe, fans and hopefuls alike were treated to the
baffling sight of a Chinaman joining the queue of the estimated 25,000 people
that turned up to fulfil that lifelong dream and try to secure a role in the
next three episodes of the grand space opera.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ching Chong Chung (52), had arrived at the O2 Arena by
rickshaw direct from Londons Chinatown with a dream of securing his place in
history and becoming the first Chinaman to star in the most successful movie
franchise of all time.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Chewbacca: </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";"><span style="font-size: x-small;">“the only Wookie in the galaxy”</span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Critics of the original trilogy have often lamented the lack
of ethnic diversity in the STAR WARS universe.
While some ethnic groups, like the Irish Leprechaun, received numerous
roles throughout the three films, others were reduced to just one instance of
their existence being portrayed. By 1980
and the release of<i> The Empire Strikes Back</i> it had lead to a phrase being coined
that Han Solo’s trusted co-pilot was “the only Wookie in the galaxy.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The prequels also received their share of criticism when, in
a misguided effort to pander to liberal sensibilities, George Lucas included many
other ethnic characters in the cast line-up and proceeded to give them
fantastically hilarious johnny foreigner accents; none more side-splitting than
the much loved Jar Jar Jar Binks, whose catchphrase “<i>Yessuh massah, sho’ nuff!</i>”
has become enshrined in STAR WARS lore alongside “<i>I am your father!</i>” and “"<i>But I
was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power
converters!</i>"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">However, throughout the entire series and all subsequent
spin-offs and animated projects there has yet to be a single Chinese STAR WARS
character – something Mr Chung was keenly aware of as he stood in line, bravely
awaiting his turn to face the STAR WARS casting director.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Minutes later and it was all over; Mr Chung had been
directed to the O2 kitchens to help assist the overworked staff as they
struggled to feed the throngs of acting hopefuls queuing outside.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Casting director Robinn Garland spoke briefly with <i>The
Templar Times</i> shortly after Mr Chungs removal to the kitchens.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Look, my job is difficult enough as it is, casting for the
most anticipated film of the 21<sup>st</sup> century. There is no way I’m rocking the boat with a
decision as momentous as casting a Chinaman.
I just don’t think Western audiences are ready for that yet.”</span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">Japanesies, African
American Slaves and The Irish have </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif";">all received high profile roles in the STAR
WARS saga.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-1883546638995732212013-10-10T00:25:00.000+01:002013-10-10T11:31:10.092+01:00Camel Cigarettes Celebrate 100 Years Of Killing Their Customers<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Camel, the smooth tasting, flavoursome and addictive
cigarette brand, has unveiled a sleek new advertising campaign to mark its one
hundred years in the business of killing its customers.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">R.J. Reynolds, the company behind the product whose sole
purpose it is to help cause the deaths of their millions of users excitedly unveiled
the new campaign at this year’s annual Liberty Smokers Convention in Winston-Salem,
North Carolina.<span style="font-size: 10pt; line-height: 115%;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">With the new strapline, “<i>We
go the extra mile</i>”, a take on the classic Camel slogan, spokesman for R.J.
Reynolds Public Affairs, Executive Vice President Robert H. Dunham, commented on the new campaign and its
importance for Camel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> “We may have survived
two world wars, the atom bomb and even the invention of disco, but that doesn’t
mean we can become complacent.“<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Our customers expect us to stay at the forefront of
promoting the great Camel brand as it helps legitimise what we do as being
completely normal and acceptable in a modern, enlightened society.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> “Our product may just
be a cylindrical piece of paper filled with a substance that when ignited
produces a chemical reaction causing thousands of carcinogenic and poisonous
compounds within the smoke produced to swirl around your mouth before being
breathed inside your lungs causing addiction and eventually a complete
breakdown of the human body before succumbing to disease and death; but it also
so much more than that. It’s a
lifestyle.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Much in the same way that Coca-Cola is so much more than
just a carbonated drink with vegetable extracts in a can.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Only days after the launch of the billboard adverts,
anti-tobacco protest groups and other stick-in-the-muds have already begun
online public campaigns against Camel, calling the images used tasteless and
abhorrent, in particular an image which uses the striking image of the World
Trade Center in New York, ablaze amid plumes of smoke after an attack in 2001.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: x-small;">The controversial "Smoking Towers" image <br />[click to enlarge]</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“In defence of the new campaign, Camels success has always
come from its willingness to test the waters and try something new and daring,
not being afraid to take chances.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These
adverts show that, hey guess what, R.J. Reynolds has a sense of humour, we can
laugh at ourselves, and we're okay with that – and besides, 9/11 was what, like
ten years ago or something.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think
these people really need to examine themselves and start the healing process.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Additionally, argues Dunham,
it won’t be Americans that will be seeing the billboards as the advertising
campaign has its sights set clearly on more liberated and freedom loving
developing and third world countries, where in stark contrast to developed
countries tobacco consumption is increasing year on year by over 3%. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Using projected
figures it is hoped by R.J. Reynolds and other tobacco companies that by 2030,
80% of the estimated 8 million deaths caused annually directly from tobacco use
will be in developing and third world countries.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I mean, those are the kind of figures you just can’t ignore.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0YGwk1-kvELT4RdePMt4Q84ROu6it-yrwXbJsv2tIUtPG80IPNvwqGLwl2srlZZL-52Bbb30lOeo5ibk1iHFUGgvcXN7e6x0iZSQXkEEoqnxkkbnWkeQCHzV-n-lJvNKasMJqonpGpkE/s1600/RWANDA+copy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0YGwk1-kvELT4RdePMt4Q84ROu6it-yrwXbJsv2tIUtPG80IPNvwqGLwl2srlZZL-52Bbb30lOeo5ibk1iHFUGgvcXN7e6x0iZSQXkEEoqnxkkbnWkeQCHzV-n-lJvNKasMJqonpGpkE/s400/RWANDA+copy.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Rwanda is the setting for the series most popular image </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">[click to enlarge]</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-14918824447329560292013-02-22T00:21:00.000+00:002013-02-22T00:23:16.421+00:00Editorial: Historic MaNappies® and Onesie-Funsies® Deal Heralds End of Western Civilisation<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Reporter:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dr Margot
Fontaine DPhil</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhM8sZ_OmIgw18G9YPO-S0zFBKCWy-8eXBmM2vXzi-9a5Li2zJNcpi8JadgBnMhd13C2nKYkg7zg__tDinsvP2ttQLmiFMnOtHhoiDx10lUWreVM7XOZu7rDUajLSTnfgCZEsT7ctqPCo/s1600/ONESIE_ADVERT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="155" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhM8sZ_OmIgw18G9YPO-S0zFBKCWy-8eXBmM2vXzi-9a5Li2zJNcpi8JadgBnMhd13C2nKYkg7zg__tDinsvP2ttQLmiFMnOtHhoiDx10lUWreVM7XOZu7rDUajLSTnfgCZEsT7ctqPCo/s400/ONESIE_ADVERT.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">[click to enlarge]</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;">W</span>estern civilisation was dealt a fatal blow on Tuesday when
newly founded startup Manappies® signed an historic deal with Onesie-Funsies®,
the company behind babywear for fully fucking grown men. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Founded less than six months ago the merger of the startup
with established industry giant Onesie-Funsies® signals a change in the world
of fashion and the world at large that could have far reaching consequences for
Western civilisation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
MaNappies® founder and chairman Percival Baxter-Smyth III mused
on the rapid rise in popularity of this latest deconstruction of the human condition.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The predilection for wearing nappies and infant
clothing by fully grown men was once the preserve of eccentric millionaires,
but in just the last twelve months there has been a rapid interest and
widespread acceptance in the mainstream for this fabulous way of life.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Indeed, the embrace of all things infantile has been championed
by none other than the guardians of Western civilisation; our actors, musicians
and celebrities. I think it is to them that we owe a debt of gratitude.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Apart from the fantastic fashionosity of it all there are
the practical aspects to think of too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why,
during the very time that we have had this conversation I have soiled myself on
three occasions.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Onesie-Funsies®-MaNappies® Summer 2013 Collection
promises to degrade and emasculate the Western male even further with the
release of such grotesqueries as the Big-Boy-Bib™, Hercules-Poopy-Cream™ and the
Soothy-Woothy™ male pacifier. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The decline of modern
civilisation</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While Smyth has no small part to play in the downfall of
Western society, his contribution of a designer grown man’s nappy is symptomatic
of a much bigger threat facing humankind in general.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apathy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today, walking unaided on the streets in a town you live in,
are fully fucking grown men wearing the clothing of newborn babies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one stops to point at them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is not even a hint of revulsion or
scorn for these man-children.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What we
must do as custodians of common decency is take them across our knees and spank,
spank, spank until some sense of awareness and decorum seeps into their
enfeebled little minds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Only with
decisive actions like this does Western civilisation stand any chance of a re-emergence
in this century or the next.</div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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These grown men proudly soil themselves and wear onesies
in public</div>
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<br />A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-31048204897845023112013-01-27T01:27:00.000+00:002014-04-22T22:21:29.577+01:00Rabid Cinema-Goers Fucking Ecstatic About Latest Hollywood Remakes<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="Standard">
2013 is shaping up to be yet another year of solid filmmaking
and remakes galore; and cinema-goers could not be happier. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With not one original film being included in
the 2013 movie roster, rabid devotees of the silver screen are ready to
slavishly lap up any offering at all that Hollywood shits directly into their
eyeballs.</div>
<div class="Standard">
<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
Visionary director Zack Snyder's reintroduction of the
Godfather Trilogy 3D has all of Hollywood abuzz as the director promises “Mafia
shoot-outs that will make your fucking head spin”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a nod to the lengthy screen time of the
original trilogy Snyder plans to film and show all three films back to back in
“some kind of a giant fucking nine hour mash up of a fucking movie.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="Standard">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsynbxn2GTAXfmcymFc0PhyphenhyphenH4XUHerE_zpdKN-ir8SkhjKuznM93W3uClSfeQmqrHetMDwPNwN1kCTEvPLxtvZnwrvkJ05LB3mKl97O8ZnApWzjU4EBJ-ZG8yT7Qvd_Uh-oM0-TxKfEtA/s1600/GODFATHER_3D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsynbxn2GTAXfmcymFc0PhyphenhyphenH4XUHerE_zpdKN-ir8SkhjKuznM93W3uClSfeQmqrHetMDwPNwN1kCTEvPLxtvZnwrvkJ05LB3mKl97O8ZnApWzjU4EBJ-ZG8yT7Qvd_Uh-oM0-TxKfEtA/s320/GODFATHER_3D.jpg" height="320" width="252" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click to enlarge</td></tr>
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<div class="Standard">
“Shit’s going to be awesome” he added. </div>
<div class="Standard">
<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
Stephen Sommers’ remake of A Clockwork Orange starring Hayden
Christiansen is being touted as the highlight of 2013, with fans of the Stanley
Kubrick popcorn movie openly praising the Canadian actor for taking on a role
that Malcolm McDowell “practically sleepwalked though” in the widely panned
1971 original.</div>
<div class="Standard">
<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
Steven Spielberg has promised fans his reimagining of Citizen
Kane, starring Leonardo Di Caprio in the titular role will remain completely
faithful to the original with the use of state-of-the-art CGI, virtual actors
on blue screen and live motion capture. The script by George Lucas promises to
bring the same magic to the screen that the duo have brought to the on-going
Indiana Jones series.</div>
<div class="Standard">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsyLLfISJkmrcUzu6jUIxjk897EcSIStykrWKQTfPbQomiWSU5JdnyowUmGcayiOD63MADBTnCPCpoqwgYNTK0JdqYzn7oLjQLvFfrmaBNCsMx4uw96ZHxvCtvjdIYbbBT0ctAjvzlDLk/s1600/CLOCKWORK_ORANGE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsyLLfISJkmrcUzu6jUIxjk897EcSIStykrWKQTfPbQomiWSU5JdnyowUmGcayiOD63MADBTnCPCpoqwgYNTK0JdqYzn7oLjQLvFfrmaBNCsMx4uw96ZHxvCtvjdIYbbBT0ctAjvzlDLk/s320/CLOCKWORK_ORANGE.jpg" height="320" width="230" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Click to enlarge</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="Standard">
On the subject of George Lucas, the film maestro has
surprised fans with his announcement of a re-emerging of the original Star
Wars, A New Hope instalment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I plan to
reboot and redefine the entire franchise starting with A New Hope and allow a
whole new generation to rediscover the magic that made the original so
timeless.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With Zac Efron in talks to
play Luke Skywalker and Taylor Lautner already signed on to play space cowboy
Han Solo, Star Wars fans can barely contain their excitement as the franchise
is reborn into the 21<sup>st</sup> Century.</div>
<div class="Standard">
<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
LA-based Cinematic Psychologist and part-time waitress Wanda
Hoffmann theorises on the public’s unwavering appetite for repackaged,
reprocessed and repeated cinema fare.</div>
<div class="Standard">
<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
“In these uncertain recessionary time’s audiences really find
comfort and solace in familiarity – and where better than the hallowed,
darkened spaces of our great nations theatres to experience this collectively
as a group.”</div>
<div class="Standard">
<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
“Originality sows seeds of doubt, the fear of the New; these are
all enemies of the rebranding and resynchronisation creative process. “ shuddered
Hoffmann.</div>
<div class="Standard">
<br /></div>
<div class="Standard">
Other projects recently green lit and just as eagerly
anticipated include a redux of Martin Scorsese's Taxi Driver and Goodfellas, a
reinvention of the Batman franchise, and a revisiting of the Lethal Weapon series.</div>
A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-54316347506785206832012-09-03T22:05:00.000+01:002012-09-03T22:05:04.942+01:00Paul Ryan Terminates Pregnancy After Just First Trimester<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It was hailed as the most audacious political statement and social
experiment of the 21<sup>st</sup> Century; a human male being impregnated and
bringing a pregnancy to full term.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Six months ago United States Representative for Wisconsin's
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change in order that he could become pregnant and bear a child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The reason?</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To prove to his detractors that he was
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Above: The maximum security prison where </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A month after the successful operation Ryan had himself voluntarily
incarcerated in Wisconsin’s Secure Facility Program in Boscobel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Ryan was then subjected to repeated gang rape
up to five times a day over a period of two weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On his release and newly pregnant he vowed to
continue to full term, stating “The life that grows inside of me is the seed of
God Himself.” </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And now, today, just three months into his pregnancy Ryan has
abruptly announced that the experiment would have to be discontinued.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Sacrifice and
Integrity.</b></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In an emotional interview with Wisconsin’s foremost
Republican Party online publication, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rich</i>
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">White American Today</i>, Ryan clearly outlined
the reasons for abandoning the idea of following through on his pregnancy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“Knowing <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>the work
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is a distraction from the bigger issues; my becoming Vice-President of these
United States of America.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An emotional
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of Americans losing out on the chance of having me as their Vice-President.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“Did I also mention the Stretch marks, haemorrhoids, back
pain, mood swings, nausea, heartburn, lethargy, insomnia and sore, swollen
feet?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Pro-Life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For Life.</b></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7vsGWQxarKL5o6N8tsYqbJOhJWb9Of542NZBteRGndspkLJMjADV3V_qcVQTedDLkrscnIRDpl1LFEiQUek9MddRrwV-L5Yjf2HiS9qpScuio4Bg-1BYULkqGp9gtAR3r1EvEyTdtSW4/s1600/Ryan_Poses_For_Press.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7vsGWQxarKL5o6N8tsYqbJOhJWb9Of542NZBteRGndspkLJMjADV3V_qcVQTedDLkrscnIRDpl1LFEiQUek9MddRrwV-L5Yjf2HiS9qpScuio4Bg-1BYULkqGp9gtAR3r1EvEyTdtSW4/s320/Ryan_Poses_For_Press.jpg" width="230" /></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>Above:<span> </span>Ryan poses for
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>undergoing the termination procedure</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“I truly believe that my pro-life position has been
reinforced by this overwhelming experience, from the pregnancy itself to my
decision to cancel the experiment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More
than ever I realise that the burden of making such a life-changing decision
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Controversy.</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New",Courier,monospace;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Hysterical, shrill left wing reports that the child had a 93%
chance of being African-American or Hispanic have sparked rumours that this was
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A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-37968069202325144252012-06-01T22:11:00.001+01:002012-06-01T22:35:52.832+01:00Enda Kenny Emerges Unscathed From Bunker After Comfortable Yes Vote Win<br />
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The Irish nation’s embattled supreme leader cautiously emerged from
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in the media that he may have actually ceased to exist. </div>
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An unkempt and initially wary looking Mr Kenny greeted
reporters and well-wishers with a hesitant trademark thumbs up before briefly
joining a huddle of his Minsters of State. Upon being told the results of the
Fiscal Treaty Referendum Mr Kenny shared chest bumps with Michael Noonan and Richard
Bruton followed by a painfully awkward “high five” with Eamon Gilmore.</div>
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<br /></div>
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His mood elevated, Mr Kenny turned to face reporters and
field a question or two.</div>
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Asked about his seeming unwillingness to appear in a public
debate with bearded Sinn Féin bully boy Gurry Adams, Mr Kenny responded “I think the
Irish public understood at the time that a debate would have only brought more
questions, and what we needed at the time were answers, not questions.” He
continued “But I will say this Mr Adams, if it’s a debate you want, then I’m ready,
willing and able!”</div>
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<br /></div>
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Asked whether Mr Kenny was at any time concerned that a No
vote would derail the ratification of the treaty by Ireland, he responded, “Quite
honestly I think the Irish people need to realise that this treaty was going to
come into effect regardless of which way they voted, given that only 12 other member
states need to pass the treaty and without having to deal with these distracting
referendums.”</div>
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“But you know sometimes you need to give people illusions
they can believe in, like the belief they have any control on the economic future
of this country, or the “idea” that Ireland has economic sovereignty.”</div>
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<br /></div>
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“That’s what makes Democracy great.”</div>
</div>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-33329265639406109192012-05-22T23:39:00.000+01:002012-05-22T23:42:10.670+01:00Johnny Depp Cancer Scare Gives Tobacco Industry Pause For Thought<br />
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In the wake of the news that smouldering hot Hollywood actor
Johnny Depp may have actually contracted lung and throat cancer the heads of North
America's tobacco industry today made a surprise joint announcement that
cigarette manufacturing and sale in the United States would cease with immediate effect.</div>
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Speaking at an emergency conference in Washington DC, CEO of
<i>Phillip Morris US </i>William F. Gifford wept openly as he described his shock in finding out that
one of his own products may have been responsible for giving the dreamy sex-symbol
the fatal disease. </div>
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“We and our competitors create products whose sole aim it is
to kill our customers, and in that we have become maybe too successful.” Gifford sobbed.
“When five and a half million unknowns a year die worldwide as a direct
result of our tobacco products, that is just a fantastical number that is hard
to quantify – but when one Johnny Depp is put at risk, then we really need to
take stock, look in the mirror and examine our collective conscience.”</div>
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In a determined effort to avoid another Beautiful Person
suffering the same fate as Depp, Gifford announced that North American tobacco
manufacturing and selling of cigarettes would now be moved wholesale to Sub-Saharan
Africa and the Indian sub-continent. “We
have a potential market of 2 billion unknowns in these geographical locations that
are still respectful and mindful of the fact that you too can be as cool as
Johnny Depp by smoking cigarettes, if not as drop-dead fucking gorgeous…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">no one</i> could ever be as drop-dead
fucking gorgeous…”<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLdywDUNmQUUgjrnVlkC-KYLx_z-lEm4qYz1JbioLY61pHvqoQoklxGq84QOitOy978bO27SZOFy35kt4REvyfmdKRcuKQmduTsgmcwa5ws5mdM-1Y4QazGw7DJrQUgDF-cXB0hwqXI4o/s1600/DEPP1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="396" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLdywDUNmQUUgjrnVlkC-KYLx_z-lEm4qYz1JbioLY61pHvqoQoklxGq84QOitOy978bO27SZOFy35kt4REvyfmdKRcuKQmduTsgmcwa5ws5mdM-1Y4QazGw7DJrQUgDF-cXB0hwqXI4o/s400/DEPP1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: small;"><b>A visibly shaken Gifford breaks down during Tuesday's announcement.
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</div>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-14146171928387876982012-01-27T01:18:00.003+00:002012-01-27T09:15:07.123+00:00World Not Outraged At Haditha Verdict<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"></span>The World stared blankly at the morning news this week as it shovelled mouthfuls of rice crispies down its gullet and absentmindedly scratched sleep from its eye. The news item flickering across the screen was fourth in line after other, more media-attention-worthy sound bites; a tagged on post script of sorts, barely mumbled by a catatonic newsreader simply going through the motions as they read the sterile teleprompter. Subconsciously the World was aware that it should be feeling something, some kind of emotional response to the news that the last of the United States Marines, Staff Sgt. Frank Wuterich, on trial for his part in the murder of 24 unarmed civilian men, women and children in the Iraqi town of Haditha in 2005 had walked free, with not one person being held accountable for the atrocity.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB3-QmnifAR7g9UvllskfddDxe8g5YCJDXol6R9r1ItLxMfF_pgi47lqObyLxrIrMXoyeDERGzfTS8KrB5_U51TndMzTYToPUtBrqpjvbz0wKvx2BCBTIUBYLKZoQ-1gDmRHXVcJ9vVSM/s1600/HADITHA_MURDERS1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgB3-QmnifAR7g9UvllskfddDxe8g5YCJDXol6R9r1ItLxMfF_pgi47lqObyLxrIrMXoyeDERGzfTS8KrB5_U51TndMzTYToPUtBrqpjvbz0wKvx2BCBTIUBYLKZoQ-1gDmRHXVcJ9vVSM/s320/HADITHA_MURDERS1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal"><b>Above:</b> Not a picture of a beaming Staff Sgt. Frank Wuterich</div></td></tr>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">Instead, the World is finding it hard to muster up the strength to feel anything other than abject despair and apathy. An acknowledgement of sorts that no matter what happens the United States of America will never be held accountable for all the pain, misery and suffering that it has spread throughout the world with its imperialistic, xenophobic foreign policies. </div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The World knows that this is wrong, so very, very wrong, but that whole Iraq war thing was so Noughties wasn’t it? Sure, the World had reacted with horror and disgust in 2003 as the United States and its Coalition invaded a sovereign country based on a web of lies and doublespeak, waged an illegal war and directly caused the deaths of tens of thousands of Iraqi civilians in the process, all in the name of what it labelled Freedom©. But that was then, before the Recession, you know? Back then the World had the luxury of being able to care, to flex its social conscience; but now? Now the World has this economic meltdown to deal with and well, it’s really time to look out for Numero Uno isn’t it?</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPrEJ3b0VHePGHqLG_fhqBSzohJj3pbhJic8U2VnOJGsbWpYhnJJP1FSVTCoKLCkT1nhR63v4MCJFycs-g9zNubAGFN28tWarU2ZKZcvWDlShFQye2x-TBEGRORt0O1-41PjLk4Bgvcpc/s1600/HADITHA_MURDERS2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="124" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPrEJ3b0VHePGHqLG_fhqBSzohJj3pbhJic8U2VnOJGsbWpYhnJJP1FSVTCoKLCkT1nhR63v4MCJFycs-g9zNubAGFN28tWarU2ZKZcvWDlShFQye2x-TBEGRORt0O1-41PjLk4Bgvcpc/s200/HADITHA_MURDERS2.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNoSpacing"> <b>Above:</b><b> </b> Another picture not </div><div class="MsoNoSpacing">of Staff Sgt. Frank Wuterich</div></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">The World needs to get behind the banks and the politicians and profess unwavering loyalty to the Great Leaders who will lead the World away from this Great Depression and on to greater things.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: left;">The World knows that it has to look forward and not dwell on the past, because only silliness and non-productive finger pointing comes from examining history.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Outrage is for Lefties, Atheists, Homosexuals and Anti-Americans.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxZdGUmau6uxmi-0Bpep8eT-YpXfdXNzXA5RaeCwCRlb5T_qMGo0NTesiTlexkanmsiD8JpCw-iMV3vnVQ2-G_MqK92YVLYmionzA2DfH3N15lmYONY5S7exEiYfLULFM-7hgsDPrevC8/s1600/CHRISKYLE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxZdGUmau6uxmi-0Bpep8eT-YpXfdXNzXA5RaeCwCRlb5T_qMGo0NTesiTlexkanmsiD8JpCw-iMV3vnVQ2-G_MqK92YVLYmionzA2DfH3N15lmYONY5S7exEiYfLULFM-7hgsDPrevC8/s200/CHRISKYLE.jpg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">"Did I say Savages</span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"></span></span><span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">? </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">I meant Sand-Niggers."</span></span></span></div></td></tr>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><b style="color: #073763;"> </b><b style="color: #cc0000;">In Related News:</b> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">”<i>Murdering From A Distance With Impunity</i>” </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;">The perfect metaphor for White House foreign policy.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"> “Awesome” former Navy SEAL sniper Chris Kyle, credited with 150 certified Iraq kills. </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-IE"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=3276228088121584595&postID=1364317464306602274" name="_GoBack"></a></span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-IE">Another year flies by and citizens of the tiny island nation of Ireland realise they’re a year older and still nowhere near following through on that emigration plan they talked so much about back in 2010. The Capitalismas Season promises to sooth, if only temporarily, those open sores caused by continuous leeching of the public’s pockets by an insidious and duplicitous Labour/Fine Gael government.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha5PAUCHLVKyGKpwR7EwKVNVR3NkPI8uF4RKNx6C24tf2mNw_EoISt5U-C_1lVDD5Tu_PKlFBoxP6chpfmtXSkjlOdj4YBIntkWjcE3oSGTqnFinfqDQstZNvVPy_3EFJsgh6xalCY9RM/s1600/DUNDRUM_TEMPLE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="280" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEha5PAUCHLVKyGKpwR7EwKVNVR3NkPI8uF4RKNx6C24tf2mNw_EoISt5U-C_1lVDD5Tu_PKlFBoxP6chpfmtXSkjlOdj4YBIntkWjcE3oSGTqnFinfqDQstZNvVPy_3EFJsgh6xalCY9RM/s400/DUNDRUM_TEMPLE.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><b><span lang="EN-IE" style="font-size: 11pt;">Capitalists gather outside Irelands largest </span><span lang="EN-IE" style="font-size: 11pt;">Consumerist shrine for morning prayer</span></b></td><td class="tr-caption" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><b><span lang="EN-IE" style="font-size: 11pt;"><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-IE">Already the minds of the proletariat are glossing over as all around the nation Capitalists are coming together in anticipation of the birth of a new fiscal year. As an expression of their devotion to Capitalismas people from all walks of life are gathering in their places of worship to spend their hard earned cash on things that they don’t need but can’t afford not to buy.</span></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-IE">From the hallowed halls of Dundrum Town Centre to the fabled temples of Mahon Point the stampede of impulse spending has begun and will reach a crescendo on the 24<sup>th</sup> December as all over the country twenty-something males race around shops with half empty shelves grabbing the nearest piece of shit they can get their hands on that will pass for some kind of present.</span></span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-IE">Speaking on Radio during the week the nations leader Enda Kenny reminded the buying public of the virtues of recognising Capitalismas and in particular to remember to buy within the Republic as filling the coffers with Irish money is the only way that the Holy Trinity of the EC, ECB and the IMF's hunger will be sated.</span></span><br />
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</div><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-IE" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“Capitalismas helps us remember that regardless of skin colour, sexual orientation or shoe size, we are all equal in the eyes of the IMF and the ECB, and that all peoples living in Ireland will be able to give praise for many generations to come by spending money we don’t have as penance for the mistakes of other political parties.”</span></span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-IE">What does </span></span></b><span style="font-size: small;"><span lang="EN-IE"><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Capitalismas mean to you?</span></b></span></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgFy5fDJ-qeuGa2De3aEHTdXDfa2RyIy6PqqHOW8HG1wcyqcOtx2panxkocJTQOie5Fz3FDiyr29JzOPPw7v9XPWIJBWg7jwqDFfTOcFsSV4jsx0Y0GBC-aXabRd-fE1rOJrYGKf3y_A0/s1600/PA-11190350-310x415.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgFy5fDJ-qeuGa2De3aEHTdXDfa2RyIy6PqqHOW8HG1wcyqcOtx2panxkocJTQOie5Fz3FDiyr29JzOPPw7v9XPWIJBWg7jwqDFfTOcFsSV4jsx0Y0GBC-aXabRd-fE1rOJrYGKf3y_A0/s1600/PA-11190350-310x415.jpg" /></a></div><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“It saddens me to see there are people out there who still believe that this time of year is in any way connected to religion, or that Jesus guy.” </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTXTRAtATwZjAESidu-TlpzlaRBFtWNeBDqepW4d8BaAG1Zle9FahMQ38bZJdKlJVn6Fm6Wzf4E5u7pPKgL0S_k4kfiwiotct8A7w2aGUgjQmZMyPu5MVZk5-WWTESNlISjs5dCSMraJQ/s1600/50S_HOUSEWIFE.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTXTRAtATwZjAESidu-TlpzlaRBFtWNeBDqepW4d8BaAG1Zle9FahMQ38bZJdKlJVn6Fm6Wzf4E5u7pPKgL0S_k4kfiwiotct8A7w2aGUgjQmZMyPu5MVZk5-WWTESNlISjs5dCSMraJQ/s1600/50S_HOUSEWIFE.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“I know I could buy all of my electronics online for about 30% less than I’m paying in my local highstreet store without the hassle of even leaving my front door, but quite frankly that would be unpatriotic and wrong.” </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUSlOyYIEctig3xveU8LdcitmfpsXy7gQXmnvSQ6eb7tc0kHJByKqfK9lTFEvhnYTMuyZhbFOiD3SgXE50DyrCrHQubg7N0kZhqyynFMEDGwmTOOr9qPKy4paqJtQkwwNe1UaE8SV_2BA/s1600/MAN_LOOKING_OUT_WINDOW.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUSlOyYIEctig3xveU8LdcitmfpsXy7gQXmnvSQ6eb7tc0kHJByKqfK9lTFEvhnYTMuyZhbFOiD3SgXE50DyrCrHQubg7N0kZhqyynFMEDGwmTOOr9qPKy4paqJtQkwwNe1UaE8SV_2BA/s1600/MAN_LOOKING_OUT_WINDOW.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“As a humanist I find this materialist, money worshipping society we live in to be completely base, that’s why my wife and I are going to be wintering in St Moritz to get away from it all.”</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSf3dAFu6QkEIf0OKDUjM-W46V_wa9rkiDoSbonTBCIQvDZWlzRdoaAW0QJoYT5qWRzcKFvJu9i8LNcf1erURrNA-nHTRVbpJSHtgREEl3giLSy0l8RzkMJdVYo_YtYvGYCggSuRogKMc/s1600/MADOUROVIH.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpuFSa1YSCCYFLZIrHhkexWBXxd7mYGUS_5as6pdnGV4S9lU8TqC_gD3eXQEQ82OQRgHIAC7H_iU6PGHwvF-7sDGsoymRn22OnOVbaTs1MqMn-bbpLzstbuNQoCzWmWQHwEX2dgsXbRvI/s1600/AVERAGE_JOE.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpuFSa1YSCCYFLZIrHhkexWBXxd7mYGUS_5as6pdnGV4S9lU8TqC_gD3eXQEQ82OQRgHIAC7H_iU6PGHwvF-7sDGsoymRn22OnOVbaTs1MqMn-bbpLzstbuNQoCzWmWQHwEX2dgsXbRvI/s1600/AVERAGE_JOE.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“I’ve maxed out three credit cards, I’m in arrears on my mortgage, about to lose my job and </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">have no savings but if you think that’s going to stop me getting my three boys an Xbox 360 each then you don’t know the spirit of the Irish pal!” </span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSf3dAFu6QkEIf0OKDUjM-W46V_wa9rkiDoSbonTBCIQvDZWlzRdoaAW0QJoYT5qWRzcKFvJu9i8LNcf1erURrNA-nHTRVbpJSHtgREEl3giLSy0l8RzkMJdVYo_YtYvGYCggSuRogKMc/s1600/MADOUROVIH.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSf3dAFu6QkEIf0OKDUjM-W46V_wa9rkiDoSbonTBCIQvDZWlzRdoaAW0QJoYT5qWRzcKFvJu9i8LNcf1erURrNA-nHTRVbpJSHtgREEl3giLSy0l8RzkMJdVYo_YtYvGYCggSuRogKMc/s1600/MADOUROVIH.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“Fuckehmadourovih!” </span><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfaiaGOEW72PMa6aavAYAGYM6uDkOsxsAMPpggpQ4ob3S9TNxoPbHUQwm7ZD6kVS7OVJfypHV8-U5ddu2IWo-AotucwuMffDBBbkVxh5siK-sqlk7Wof9nX9DjSuVwEunasHiuXYsvWjM/s1600/BRADY.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQVPLmGGMXwb6IHR9Y83CLUM2ADlvX-DcPxj90nfO-7Accmw4MD82D610BCfDlpB4MFSAqSXqqNm182GhXka8s9n9KwA-VEyK2n7E9ciA1g2mkR_Rbna-nIeR5aRZZJQyDZdV_MSgv85s/s1600/HOLLY_BORDER.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="47" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQVPLmGGMXwb6IHR9Y83CLUM2ADlvX-DcPxj90nfO-7Accmw4MD82D610BCfDlpB4MFSAqSXqqNm182GhXka8s9n9KwA-VEyK2n7E9ciA1g2mkR_Rbna-nIeR5aRZZJQyDZdV_MSgv85s/s400/HOLLY_BORDER.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><span lang="EN-IE" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: small;"> </span><span lang="EN-IE" style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11pt;"> </span>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-70927047506867393672011-10-21T15:22:00.004+01:002011-10-21T15:27:29.119+01:00Muammar Gaddafi Dead: Post Mortem To Be Aired Live<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="fn">As the blood-lust frenzy for images of a dead Muammar Gaddafi reaches fever pitch the unusual step has been taken to have the dictator’s autopsy filmed in front of a live audience and broadcast live around the world. </span></span></div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="fn">The event, which is scheduled to air Halloween night from a secret location somewhere in Libya, is expected to reach record numbers of people as the whole world waits impatiently for more images of the dictators bloodied and battered, lifeless corpse.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6NlvwHfEHM2NG1HGHK8oRbULt3YKyUPLrSIdZcHWkJDsagixcoMUHRvAx1UH4lrogooHw7_qGq5SJopOE7TGYpQJGrJdr3QnbMOTlbC0NTM35oDmruRAI8Q0AK05PYIJ4N7anI-JDkl8/s1600/Childrens_Magazine_Section.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6NlvwHfEHM2NG1HGHK8oRbULt3YKyUPLrSIdZcHWkJDsagixcoMUHRvAx1UH4lrogooHw7_qGq5SJopOE7TGYpQJGrJdr3QnbMOTlbC0NTM35oDmruRAI8Q0AK05PYIJ4N7anI-JDkl8/s320/Childrens_Magazine_Section.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span class="fn">Four year old Timothy Grayson just </span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span class="fn">wants his <i>Fireman Sam</i> magazines back.</span></b></span></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="fn">“The gore-soaked images that you have witnessed on your television screens and across countless publications and the internet is just the beginning! Just wait to see what we have lined up.” spat a frothing at the mouth event organiser Jordon Rockwell of Fox News Channel. “We’re going to have finger puppets for the kids, with Gaddafi’s actual fingers! There’ll be wall painting, where kids will be able to use the buckets of blood syphoned from his rotting corpse to create montages of what a world without Gadaffi will be like, there’ll be skipping rope play, football, oh it’s going to be fabulous!”</span></span></div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="fn">Members of the audience will also be invited up to “get involved” in the autopsy and </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="fn">help </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="fn">play their part in the on-going War On Terror</span><span class="fn"><span style="line-height: 115%;">©</span>.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="fn">“The main message we really want to get across with this whole event is that it’s okay to parade dead bodies in the media as <i>long</i> as they belong to the bad guy. I mean, for example, no one wants to see images of dead children killed by American cluster bombs, right? Exaactly!” </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="fn">So far there have been no vocal critics of the media coverage as people remain shit scared of pointing out that there may be something not entirely healthy about Western societies completely skewed sense of morality and justice.</span></span></div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; font-size: small;"></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-6237856855045970662011-09-26T22:07:00.003+01:002011-09-26T22:13:42.026+01:00J.J. Abrams Promises At Least 87% More Lens Flare In Star Trek Sequel<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As Trekkers<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 9pt; line-height: 115%;">©</span>, Trekkies™ and Trekkists<span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">®</span> across the known universe collectively wet their nappies at the news that Hollywood wunderkind J.J.J.J.Abrams will indeed helm the next installment of the Star Trek franchise, the director himself has let slip that the special effects department will be spending a whopping $165 Million on lighting effects alone.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
“I know one of the biggest complaints people had about the first one was that we didn’t light the bridge of the Enterprise up well enough, that it was too murky” Abrams lamented. “Well we’re addressing that head on with the sequel and will be adding a minimum of twenty-five lens flare capture effects for every half-second of screen time the bridge has.” </div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXdm9ufDZmG5mcC8A1fY5fTG79CJBVMUJqPMSyoD13_KOSvDtAxeRbgmzNnUuQTgFu-heXlu4MH9ic9XVwzIA2qcmThmdg879xJ_HA6OIJtPyufkXsFe5xUWtwplHY7RALLh_gKj4Tciw/s1600/BLEEDING_EYEBALLS_2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXdm9ufDZmG5mcC8A1fY5fTG79CJBVMUJqPMSyoD13_KOSvDtAxeRbgmzNnUuQTgFu-heXlu4MH9ic9XVwzIA2qcmThmdg879xJ_HA6OIJtPyufkXsFe5xUWtwplHY7RALLh_gKj4Tciw/s320/BLEEDING_EYEBALLS_2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">"Too murky." Star Trek 2009</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: right;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So confident are Paramount that cinema-goers will not be disappointed with the planned specfuckular light-fest frenzy that they are offering free tickets for a re-showing to anyone that emerges from the theater without cataracts, sunburnt corneas or dislodged retinas.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">“We’re really upping the ante!” whooped a visibly erect Abrams.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWeiBu41iP9Qra1c4zi3iOqqBOVz_lk_Rfayxm5MLFriKXrFQMU6FJEuuPdeA-yzjQOSp-z93K1RDu7-7lvAIjs-7LH0zm61tLpQkF46zillbZd0XgiZfZ1GyNdzf-fz2IDpxThPNq5yk/s1600/BLEEDING_EYEBALLS_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="132" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWeiBu41iP9Qra1c4zi3iOqqBOVz_lk_Rfayxm5MLFriKXrFQMU6FJEuuPdeA-yzjQOSp-z93K1RDu7-7lvAIjs-7LH0zm61tLpQkF46zillbZd0XgiZfZ1GyNdzf-fz2IDpxThPNq5yk/s320/BLEEDING_EYEBALLS_1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">"More lens flare needed."</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="text-align: left;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b> Villains, rumours and beyond.</b></div><b></b><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">With the sequel tentatively titled “<i>The Rage of Kane</i>” fans are speculating on whether it will be an homage to the original sequel, the 1982 classic “<i>The Wrath of Kahn</i>”. Rumours abound that casting agents for Paramount Studios have already begun casting their net around the sparsely populated Latino acting community.</div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Casting director April Webster had this to say on the speculation: “All we’ll say at this time is that we are desperately looking to find a Latino actor to play the main villain. This is no easy feat, I can tell you that, due mainly in part that there are so few viable Latino actors in Hollywood today, the majority having returned to Mexican-Land and even further South after the 80’s boom years of<i> Henchmania</i>.”</div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> “Couple this with the fact that the majority of the white, middle-class movie-going public still find it hard to watch Latino actors on-screen, much as their grandparents found it difficult to accept Negro actors, and you can understand the difficulties we face in filling this position.”</div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Jennifer Lopez and fake Latino actor Lou Diamond Phillips could not be reached for comment.</div><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-52413776640237952842011-05-24T17:21:00.003+01:002011-05-28T08:42:41.732+01:00Barack Obama Irish, Not American<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Dublin, Ireland.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In a move that far right whackjob American conservatives are calling a turning point in their Birther campaign, President Barack Obama yesterday proclaimed himself Irish in front of a live crowd of one hundred thousand well wishers in the Irish capital city of Dublin.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The shock admission came as the President of the United States was beginning a whirlwind tour of Europe where he promised there would be more surprise announcements to come.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaGIFDPDDqXXIsQd2-b6rXsXR1Rghba-90gpbMAZkgLfNPeRT3mGnT1k9mK3jfmU4Gb4L8JMF_lRpl7muOp4-IM5Qn7m6CfcRxaK8AjJVIht2sp-tofqdOjgKtcFpn6UjqqnssmmHpck/s1600/Barry+O+Bama+The+Mick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkaGIFDPDDqXXIsQd2-b6rXsXR1Rghba-90gpbMAZkgLfNPeRT3mGnT1k9mK3jfmU4Gb4L8JMF_lRpl7muOp4-IM5Qn7m6CfcRxaK8AjJVIht2sp-tofqdOjgKtcFpn6UjqqnssmmHpck/s200/Barry+O+Bama+The+Mick.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWfTxAOumqzGoqXtGmVhhYytdk8C_i6I9-ON8lzHWthQm8TFT6Boi7dojoJ3VvKS0-_2l41KLsmewuCNRwCDc7n9KQ8AInb9lqXsyTF9JHGQjPBmEn21Fema64rgr1lni6jEgUE3M4O3I/s1600/Barry+O+Bama.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br />
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<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Speaking outside the former Irish Parliament on College Green Mr. Obama looked relaxed and at ease as he talked to his Irish, non-American brethren, even joking with the crowd "You can call me a Mick, a Paddy, a potato muncher, hell you can even call me a bog-trotter!" and then, pausing to look over his shoulder with a cheeky grin and talking in a mock whisper he added, "Juss don't call me a Muslim!"</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The crowd erupted in laughter and cheer, </span><span style="font-size: small;">hanging on his every word</span><span style="font-size: small;">, and there wasn't a dry eye in the house as Mr. Obama spoke to them of his inner conflict when denying his Irish heritage in the past and his lifelong struggle to be perceived as an American.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Seemingly oblivious to the untold damage this revelation has done to his election campaign for 2012 or even his legitimacy as President, Mr. Obama has promised further revelations during his European trip. Whitehouse spokesperson Ollie Freeman hinted that Mr. Obama will go into intimate detail on just what technique he used when snorting cocaine in his youth in order to get "completely loaded" and will discuss his despair after failing to win the audition for the part of the Predator in the 1987 smash hit movie of the same name. "The president feels that honesty is the best policy and he's at a stage now where he's getting into stride in his presidency, you know, he's really enjoying himself."</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_oo5tF9YvDQFK_ZnuAKro5juVEz6yQ9t0u5eAF6m2vlk_gaEoV4nM0RvQskmH_UQbRZDMqH0e2ZNfMc83SiuateI8mtcakl6Jnany1FjVK0N_VENufFqSHFLb3fXB1r2GDwQ_jjTI2ek/s1600/Cunt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="116" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi_oo5tF9YvDQFK_ZnuAKro5juVEz6yQ9t0u5eAF6m2vlk_gaEoV4nM0RvQskmH_UQbRZDMqH0e2ZNfMc83SiuateI8mtcakl6Jnany1FjVK0N_VENufFqSHFLb3fXB1r2GDwQ_jjTI2ek/s200/Cunt.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">A-lister poster boy for the Birther movement; a sneering Donald Trump addressed a crowd of reporters via comlink from his secret golden fortress. "I feel vindicated now that the President has publicly announced that he is not a true blue white American and that his claim to the presidency is fraudulent. The fact that we now know him to be a Spudfucker as <i>well </i>as being black really seals it." </span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"> "We got 'im!" </span><span style="font-size: small;">he added, </span><span style="font-size: small;">with that shit eating grin of his.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">In a final statement on the matter of his nationality the president proclaimed he was renouncing his slave name and would only answer to the name Barry O'Bama from now on.</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><b style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In Other News:</b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> An excitable Enda Kenny, Taoiseach of Ireland, was rushed to hospital after yesterdays ceremony following a severe brain hemorrhage brought on by his impassioned speech introducing the US President. He also suffered several burst blood vessels in his eyeballs and a nasty sore throat and will be sucking on Strepsils for several weeks to come.</span>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-54988216188345181352011-05-21T14:26:00.000+01:002011-05-21T14:26:54.560+01:00Harold Camping Dead At 89Harold Camping died peacefully in his sleep today at six o'clock local time aged 89 years of age. He had become world famous in recent minutes for his astonishing prediction that his End Of Days was approaching.<br />
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His legacy on planet earth will be that for a period of 78 seconds on May 21st 2011 his name was entered into Google search engines worldwide more times than the words "barely", "legal"and "anal".<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQsBqkN9aZdenqrDrc53aslyeWIFFs8Rp6t74_BNyXb9ED-Vss9PbSjce9P2pApzgu-YD35wv84OrZrPYVxa4cTZNFcFKZUAfqvcX8DJleUr2a_-3iSGtetUQFlgUjw607Si-FK5choVA/s1600/Library+Fine+Not+Paid.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Pictured: Mr. Camping with a copy of the King James Bible that he cheekily borrowed from his public library with a return date of May 22nd</b></span></td><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaiMF57ITdPUGPW2zVdkqiI48rzL90Lm5Z1-3ZF72d8ZVh5NhdCVAlS-1ZSO58SeFkrJpPqCLsvweJ992yfJ1BbcgUN-aWzI_dIZ0I4UHQmtKo8Bx322wB9KBQn9cWw7RF91gCa20kxYs/s1600/Library+Fine+Not+Paid.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5609158541761810098" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaiMF57ITdPUGPW2zVdkqiI48rzL90Lm5Z1-3ZF72d8ZVh5NhdCVAlS-1ZSO58SeFkrJpPqCLsvweJ992yfJ1BbcgUN-aWzI_dIZ0I4UHQmtKo8Bx322wB9KBQn9cWw7RF91gCa20kxYs/s320/Library+Fine+Not+Paid.jpg" style="cursor: move; float: right; height: 242px; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; width: 320px;" /></a></td></tr>
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</tbody></table>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com34tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-76941508844364119452011-05-13T20:16:00.000+01:002011-05-13T20:16:05.589+01:00Irish Public Shocked By Irish Publics Reaction To Queen Elizabeth II Visit<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Hot on the heels of their group masturbation over the Royal Wedding the Republic of Ireland's island folk brace themselves for the state visit of Queen Elizabeth II to their shores. Given the historical and political past and present between the two countries there are widespread divisions amongst its' people as to what the visit actually signifies.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i>Fair and Balanced reporting</i>:</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
We dispatched our mute roving reporter from the Seventh Circle of Funk first to England to see what the anticipation there was and then on to the fair Emerald Isle to see the reaction from the regular man on the street of the twee nation that brought the world Leprechauns, Guinness and itchy Aran Jumpers. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgalLS8w1G0d3HKvzTIjwKong-pUrOHM8scSwiBHa_4Kk05grI8Rgoyjbz2VtX1wyar3OM6kItiwJyKlvIrkaaeDl9fGkvHqg27XaEPXQympddtJUlD24DbbtCrBxsqkt3seqJ1VaFjPas/s1600/PHILLIP.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgalLS8w1G0d3HKvzTIjwKong-pUrOHM8scSwiBHa_4Kk05grI8Rgoyjbz2VtX1wyar3OM6kItiwJyKlvIrkaaeDl9fGkvHqg27XaEPXQympddtJUlD24DbbtCrBxsqkt3seqJ1VaFjPas/s1600/PHILLIP.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"I just know those <i>awful </i>peasants will be waiting for me to put my foot in it."</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioV79jTZ3BD7wSKJW-20jog_xjDT08zO-f4PHMOuz410VTlsJ1qgga-4gGwtIKPxUXw2KAGGi9cK7R6d1xiWdTevjKnbiZX0alBm8n2424TehbrIYitbSfxIJNa_tJz0mFRxA3rZtZmis/s1600/QUEEN.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEioV79jTZ3BD7wSKJW-20jog_xjDT08zO-f4PHMOuz410VTlsJ1qgga-4gGwtIKPxUXw2KAGGi9cK7R6d1xiWdTevjKnbiZX0alBm8n2424TehbrIYitbSfxIJNa_tJz0mFRxA3rZtZmis/s1600/QUEEN.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"I really, really hope that Phillip can't make the trip."</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW9AzFr_w1LSxjMX6B4_ZT_AoenWzPdIWK67jP9jHiklB8X5NwzZlE1MWQULfBf2jqeOlYpsqQJsZfFguo9J8iPp-TUpEb1uyQoSiFS-AuVUhF33ui7Nj2gwC3KKyt9ytHuDRMbMYyygE/s1600/David-Cameron66.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjW9AzFr_w1LSxjMX6B4_ZT_AoenWzPdIWK67jP9jHiklB8X5NwzZlE1MWQULfBf2jqeOlYpsqQJsZfFguo9J8iPp-TUpEb1uyQoSiFS-AuVUhF33ui7Nj2gwC3KKyt9ytHuDRMbMYyygE/s1600/David-Cameron66.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Not to put too fine a point on it but the paddys really need this visit by Her Majesty. Don't forget, Dublin was once the second most important city in the British Empire, which is no small feat. They're going through a rough time bless them and God knows they need to find something that they can take pride in."</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKOu96h2LJyk-KAP0r84ptlMHYk7xD8sboogRapP9_ksgzCMLmWKSaDJbcXndnfspXUXSt7D-7qlRustsmtw6C3b_jd-K5At-r2bCocilEgNWHpmthMIsk7yvvM7oZTqsfigm2TkB3ZCs/s1600/yuppie+80s.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKOu96h2LJyk-KAP0r84ptlMHYk7xD8sboogRapP9_ksgzCMLmWKSaDJbcXndnfspXUXSt7D-7qlRustsmtw6C3b_jd-K5At-r2bCocilEgNWHpmthMIsk7yvvM7oZTqsfigm2TkB3ZCs/s1600/yuppie+80s.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> "Loike, I don't know what all the fuss is about. Any of my friends that I talk to are, loike, so totally over that whole Northern Orland thing."</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNEBMky8eZ194X9i-7OowBp1zueZPy57CCWxOzHjjHn8NzzZ8OGGyrF21kMoo6JqCoMMv2MkICAtwoT7Enl3EqnpVH533w9YXoTFpszRdhcyGJMmuMvdJNiKb4IP_eHt4EJpKl8AbEf28/s1600/middle_aged_man.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNEBMky8eZ194X9i-7OowBp1zueZPy57CCWxOzHjjHn8NzzZ8OGGyrF21kMoo6JqCoMMv2MkICAtwoT7Enl3EqnpVH533w9YXoTFpszRdhcyGJMmuMvdJNiKb4IP_eHt4EJpKl8AbEf28/s1600/middle_aged_man.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"I've been on the dole now for over two and a half years. The new government have done <i>nothing </i>to show me that they're <i>any </i>different than the last shower of bastards.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Somehow I know the Queen is responsible for all this, so yes, I'll be out protesting."</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi16lFBjKtbOETkejFOsSi4QblLMA3l7xgr0znJWrYEFXTt7iJqCdLiCYXbaYTMXRWaeqAdTm8hppvBmNIJpzouR-Zno9XIdMgscBwJYLE4FSHPmsFAP_CfzTNBwMV7KcmPEz_ekGAaDAw/s1600/2110_biddy_indo_399143t.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi16lFBjKtbOETkejFOsSi4QblLMA3l7xgr0znJWrYEFXTt7iJqCdLiCYXbaYTMXRWaeqAdTm8hppvBmNIJpzouR-Zno9XIdMgscBwJYLE4FSHPmsFAP_CfzTNBwMV7KcmPEz_ekGAaDAw/s1600/2110_biddy_indo_399143t.jpg" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Ah here, wharah yiz all moanin abouh, sure if we can open are arms to that black fella comin over and visitin can't we open are arms for the quee-hen? Come on Arelan, grow up!"</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0dLJEZPQdULyZUpfa76alqhq_O3EGVY67rJJr1_2Eg9H4WpJW-fEFBxEBlLHJiPMnNd3lr-s3YV5jfNeCLbqJNwLyNW3H_IxLwNz0TO5_X1Ib449RnuhJCWBvf0Glak1fvuxaShl2qXY/s1600/RIRA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0dLJEZPQdULyZUpfa76alqhq_O3EGVY67rJJr1_2Eg9H4WpJW-fEFBxEBlLHJiPMnNd3lr-s3YV5jfNeCLbqJNwLyNW3H_IxLwNz0TO5_X1Ib449RnuhJCWBvf0Glak1fvuxaShl2qXY/s1600/RIRA.jpg" /></a> </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"We are totally opposed to this visit by Queen Elizabeth and are willing to kill Irish men, women and children to prove our point."</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc7CkH4fSEvLSX2DSqrrKb5m9v2H8_4wjm4p4RkJn4HLgIqoEWVWE3hNEgzmqf4LbDCbMX1fvyyChblH9jHaUSZ4hJZ-W8G7Qke1-KYVhK5TFDgcrzOVs2dOfrw_XqVHrVe9jSbR4nfak/s1600/SCUMBAG.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc7CkH4fSEvLSX2DSqrrKb5m9v2H8_4wjm4p4RkJn4HLgIqoEWVWE3hNEgzmqf4LbDCbMX1fvyyChblH9jHaUSZ4hJZ-W8G7Qke1-KYVhK5TFDgcrzOVs2dOfrw_XqVHrVe9jSbR4nfak/s1600/SCUMBAG.jpg" /></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">"Madourovih!"</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrP5JkmhQro73mvPIrSfITobraAevLkk0umpS1dTmr4za7KMIuKZmMll-ZQyCSE5sWh37bG85La1uvkc4jPlKZ_qyP8KdNiBu7JxlhzfoHGK3HeFUFeLIsSlSiYTLMIWeER9WPSaJaPeg/s1600/T_SHIRT_STAND.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="483" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrP5JkmhQro73mvPIrSfITobraAevLkk0umpS1dTmr4za7KMIuKZmMll-ZQyCSE5sWh37bG85La1uvkc4jPlKZ_qyP8KdNiBu7JxlhzfoHGK3HeFUFeLIsSlSiYTLMIWeER9WPSaJaPeg/s640/T_SHIRT_STAND.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>A T-shirt vendor on Dublin's famous O'Connell Street panders to both groups with a selection of tasteful designs</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-15493472133716603562011-04-08T00:43:00.006+01:002011-04-08T09:20:57.723+01:00Nicolas Sarkozy: Last Minute U-Turn On French "Burqa Ban"<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">In a move that has both surprised his critics and infuriated his allies French President Nicolas Sarkozy has decided to reverse the ruling signed into law last October and due for enactment this coming April 11th which would have seen the wearing of the burqa and niqab by Muslim women banned outright.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">In an interview with Le Monde this week Sarkozy admitted that he had struggled personally with the wording of the legal text. “When I studied the texts, which did not make specific mention of, but implied the burqa and niqab when condemning the covering of the face, I realised it was pure hypocrisy. I could no more ask of my wife, former model, singer and sexy superstar Carla Bruni to keep her goddamned clothes on for once in her life during an interview than I could ask of our Islamoid sisters to reveal more of their sexy Arab hard bodies.” </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD0JP8dCwIBD10TGq1JHJ74WT1loNq4vRIff4TMStHusyGRJ2RxYHufMXp2uFC0uFHeSNFc3FwiFh4gJXys7uAMwfgPgCu7AIv-A0W_evpsBUDmMKED2WBpDxw4klS3Hph6K_2UvNwPoM/s1600/Nicolas-Sarkozyee.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgD0JP8dCwIBD10TGq1JHJ74WT1loNq4vRIff4TMStHusyGRJ2RxYHufMXp2uFC0uFHeSNFc3FwiFh4gJXys7uAMwfgPgCu7AIv-A0W_evpsBUDmMKED2WBpDxw4klS3Hph6K_2UvNwPoM/s200/Nicolas-Sarkozyee.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><b>Sarkozy: Compassion.</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“So yes, it was in a moment of compassion that I decided the outright ban would have to be reversed, but with a certain condition in place.” </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The certain condition that Sarkozy was alluding to includes a new clause that would ensure that all women wearing burqas or niqabs would be required to display bi-lingual registration plates identifying them by name and as property of their husbands.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Muslim cleric Sheikh Yerbouti, previously a harsh critic of Sarkozys policies toward anyone black and poor and his penchant for deporting Roma Gypsies was more upbeat in tone as news reached him of the reversal. “Allah be praised, Mr. Sarkozys enlightened thinking on reversing this ban has been a small glimmer of hope in what has been a difficult time in France for the Muslim people. On top of that I can't believe it took a Westerner to think of the whole name tag thing, I mean seriously, how did we not think of that before? Do you know how long it usually takes to locate my wife when I come to pick her up from the womens group? By the fist of Ibrahim, we're talking about forty minutes on a good day!”</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyNpqN7nGHoN_K11KQ0Z_o4mcjzilK9D4JZh5mOccuFifwvVsJ6HsFqvUJtruQyxCOh-Wa9S3jAl3f-Rgff4kE1fbGVcN1O20JnTQ_6fyhRvZ7lYfPPjihOkl38FdTL_1T9Dfbbx66vVQ/s1600/FRENCH_BURQA_2_CROPPED.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyNpqN7nGHoN_K11KQ0Z_o4mcjzilK9D4JZh5mOccuFifwvVsJ6HsFqvUJtruQyxCOh-Wa9S3jAl3f-Rgff4kE1fbGVcN1O20JnTQ_6fyhRvZ7lYfPPjihOkl38FdTL_1T9Dfbbx66vVQ/s320/FRENCH_BURQA_2_CROPPED.jpg" width="283" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Nawal Hussan: “Not much of a looker.”</b></span></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
Housewife Nawal Hussan, a Muslim convert and mother of three welcomed the overturning of the ban, saying: “I'm not much of a looker and have always felt I was in direct competition with some of my peers' extraordinary beauty. This way it gives us all a level playing field, Allah be praised. Also, it's a great way of hiding the bruises.”</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Amnesty International spokesperson Judith Farber had this to say: “We are delighted that this reversal in thought has come about as it highlights Frances willingness to provide an inclusiveness of all religions and embrace all religious traditions in this great multicultural society.”</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: justify;"> Amnesty International spokesperson Judith Farber had this to say: “We are outraged that this medieval tradition and subjugation of women in a modern society has been allowed to continue without challenge and we will continue to appeal for an outright ban to be enforced on this outdated form of dress that some Muslim women are still forced to endure.”</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Mr. Sarkozy confirmed that the second clause, that Muslim women wearing burqa or niqabs will be allowed to wear a leash at all times when in public, is being considered for introduction in early 2012.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtGKEOF91eW6m3uoPcxElwLL5h7P8HBmZOt3wO0qqnLUeo37ruFFTasFIBUBRviec_Jl8bQxdHhMb0fTS1IGs7zs8JH2BBiuA9Wcf2c2zXBmLYTsilDT6q0NE59N1DIOXYvEgN6i1xpFI/s1600/FRENCH_BURQA_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtGKEOF91eW6m3uoPcxElwLL5h7P8HBmZOt3wO0qqnLUeo37ruFFTasFIBUBRviec_Jl8bQxdHhMb0fTS1IGs7zs8JH2BBiuA9Wcf2c2zXBmLYTsilDT6q0NE59N1DIOXYvEgN6i1xpFI/s400/FRENCH_BURQA_1.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>It was all smiles in the city of Lyon yesterday as women celebrated their<br />
Freedom to wear their burqas again without fear of oppression by French laws</b></span></td></tr>
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</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"></div>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-25318820581785251062011-02-22T15:46:00.009+00:002011-02-22T16:47:12.348+00:00WE ARE SO, SO SORRY!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvoROsRBOfUdShyphenhyphen0TQIBb786CVwQcrCrxGRNZOKPIHB3H-5H7m09Slcs3beU9s7B8UAiPDAwXElpVrGH4mROq03WJgqQCgQMi-7pg2mq7_mjfsEkKB2vTiXHKWPZfQk1f9ZES4uTdcEIE/s1600/Mcreevy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><div style="color: #3d85c6;"><b style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Big words: Papa P Hotel</b></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="color: #3d85c6;">Pictures: AP/Reuters/Templar</span></b></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What follows is a categorical and unequivocal apology by the board of The Templar Times for the emergence of a prevailing undertone of subversion and slander against various institutions and personalities upon the Irish political landscape. It appears that articles published under the auspices of The Templar Times have consistently and covertly smeared the glowing and impeccable reputations of our political and financial elite.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We, the board of directors, would now like to apologise without reserve for the implication that Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael are a self-serving pyramid sales scheme, intent upon the accumulation of private wealth for their senior members at the direct expense of those further down the political ladder.<br />
<br />
Furthermore, we would like to add our sincerest remorse at the suggestion that the leaders and high command of both these parties are earning even more money in these straitened times than at the height of the preceding, artificial, economic boom and are able to finance these inflated salaries by cutting much needed and grossly insufficient welfare payments to those most at need.<br />
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<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQm42n_1hg5FgYseeIYIt9-KLsiviX2A59zH6Fr7J0RDucroFxS4ro9bqdxYqrtH8lsLALYNN_3Cy4LLfhuritkjqLZXzPyIwPQloUlnsSWy2F9fkwOqhED_HAbFwixieQ8Jyg1ieFFpE/s1600/Richard_Bruton.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQm42n_1hg5FgYseeIYIt9-KLsiviX2A59zH6Fr7J0RDucroFxS4ro9bqdxYqrtH8lsLALYNN_3Cy4LLfhuritkjqLZXzPyIwPQloUlnsSWy2F9fkwOqhED_HAbFwixieQ8Jyg1ieFFpE/s1600/Richard_Bruton.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Can we trust this serial killer?</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqYPSnVCMaB_gS3_sW59UMDw0oHgCD_ZQ9YfLl3EAy_IzwDnbTNi5RuqdHZ0IN2rvtSUCvhjYClG_7695fC45WJHVt2pERYRNqa4YzwFydZmCflOn4uTpDWkF1vad8g1WYtC9qGRydCyI/s1600/enda_erect.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqYPSnVCMaB_gS3_sW59UMDw0oHgCD_ZQ9YfLl3EAy_IzwDnbTNi5RuqdHZ0IN2rvtSUCvhjYClG_7695fC45WJHVt2pERYRNqa4YzwFydZmCflOn4uTpDWkF1vad8g1WYtC9qGRydCyI/s1600/enda_erect.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Erect with anticipation</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody> </table>It was never our intention that Richard Bruton should come across as an arrogant, craven and self-serving skeleton, whose spit-speckled lips positively quiver in anticipation at kissing the ring of his master in a subservient gesture of remorse and desire for the offices of power. In the very same breath we must beg forgiveness if Enda Kenny has been suggested to be a spineless incompetent, cowed like a whipped cur by a heave from his old lieutenant but incapable of remonstrating effectively with him for fear of a fat lip and of soiling his white cotton undies. Indeed, we are sorry too if by extension of this implication it was inferred that Kenny originally took leave from his classroom because he could not muster the authority to control the raucous young boys who flicked ink at his back and called him The Ginger Whinger.<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ9LwqqAu64-qyL0JnMbDgSiuIUITZO-lytQEuxRQ31_pJGnKVZwIWVKnR0hHxyRA_SRmG35FI6mEaBajvJHHEB4V0BDLX_LgXSLeTu29Qn03X9ImcmFxL3vPlvTVhWK_hQ4XFux3MnPY/s1600/Leo_Varadkar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ9LwqqAu64-qyL0JnMbDgSiuIUITZO-lytQEuxRQ31_pJGnKVZwIWVKnR0hHxyRA_SRmG35FI6mEaBajvJHHEB4V0BDLX_LgXSLeTu29Qn03X9ImcmFxL3vPlvTVhWK_hQ4XFux3MnPY/s1600/Leo_Varadkar.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Those piercing eyes, so, dishy</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It was never our wish that Leo Varadkar should be construed as a waxy-faced, perma-tanned rat, whose highhanded sneering and goading approach to debate should be so reminiscent of Berlusconi, Gadaffi or Goebbels.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It is with heavy heart that we apologise if Bertie Ahern should be portrayed as a crooked, Bass-swilling, jerrymandering, panty-chaser whose fiscal largesse and thundering incompetence led this country to the brink of collapse.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4U85fZnJVXufHbsk1aZdnq7rqvwp3lXJ08RAJJF6C7Mxw-Hi_rto1SlK8vukNxhAPV7bac57nxj6kcOlQbftdu7qxJzEY5zzEfJIYdPcsQJdzsq9KLdZDjZdQYNrrnbWi97ZSsV8HvdE/s1600/berty.jpg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="130" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4U85fZnJVXufHbsk1aZdnq7rqvwp3lXJ08RAJJF6C7Mxw-Hi_rto1SlK8vukNxhAPV7bac57nxj6kcOlQbftdu7qxJzEY5zzEfJIYdPcsQJdzsq9KLdZDjZdQYNrrnbWi97ZSsV8HvdE/s200/berty.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>He screwed yiz all but yiz still love him</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvoROsRBOfUdShyphenhyphen0TQIBb786CVwQcrCrxGRNZOKPIHB3H-5H7m09Slcs3beU9s7B8UAiPDAwXElpVrGH4mROq03WJgqQCgQMi-7pg2mq7_mjfsEkKB2vTiXHKWPZfQk1f9ZES4uTdcEIE/s200/Mcreevy.jpg" width="200" /></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Remember him? <i>We</i> sure as fuck do</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Nor was it in any way our wish that his cosy bed-fellow and comrade in arms, Charlie McCreevy should be painted as a souless, tri-sexual pervert whose blue-black teeth were pulled from the head of a Congolese schoolboy and implanted into McCreevy’s slavering jaws during a black magic right of initiation into the most secret and miscreant of Europe’s clandestine brotherhoods. </div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZUqAs7nUMqKTfcjaLdG8stl05BfgA-R_UxWcv1AVmncAweFR-XvrbC7NnyOxtM35AjpaSZJz6wQGzK2XJtuZxzD43lS1dvf1OLaMfojY_Awu0ZhshvnbIZpGKcvhhKXElgTk9TO6k56w/s1600/willy.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZUqAs7nUMqKTfcjaLdG8stl05BfgA-R_UxWcv1AVmncAweFR-XvrbC7NnyOxtM35AjpaSZJz6wQGzK2XJtuZxzD43lS1dvf1OLaMfojY_Awu0ZhshvnbIZpGKcvhhKXElgTk9TO6k56w/s1600/willy.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>This man can have you shot</b></span></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4SEvrpIM7ceNCqjuaiYWFWPrRjTTu4UUkwtlC0puFi_zrAn5qKOFJ5Sbd4_Uyo6zs4pP5AyBMW7hUgSibjNRqhf74Q2VjYOZniJ3SbvZ57xs2CLox2ukKwP_FQkrRnC_eSMgFksRWv94/s1600/mary.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4SEvrpIM7ceNCqjuaiYWFWPrRjTTu4UUkwtlC0puFi_zrAn5qKOFJ5Sbd4_Uyo6zs4pP5AyBMW7hUgSibjNRqhf74Q2VjYOZniJ3SbvZ57xs2CLox2ukKwP_FQkrRnC_eSMgFksRWv94/s200/mary.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>The only woman on this list</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Never was it our desire that the doting maternal banality of Mary O’Rourke should be tarnished by the suggestion that she is a sadomasochistic dominatrix whose wilful pleasure it is to grind the scrotal sacks of Fianna Fáil front-benchers beneath her great, reinforced, orthopaedic boot heel before offering a weeping milky tit to each of her obedient nephews, the Lenihans, upon which they can suckle to soporific sleep.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
<br />
At no time did we expect that, from our articles, Willie O’Dea would be seen as a moustachioed, perjuring gangster for whom intimidation and duplicity are an acceptable means to an end in his pursuit of dominion over the decent, working people of Limerick.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4chDdJtG_czup3-wlqTfLMSWU5AYYHOkFrRDwvVxcQmIrc5drutyr8EdGz_w64fRSg17A1SxgCSzoJIx7DfpepbzYWesgBbMKPpzObrBarKPuYZSeoNp8e8ze428eyiJ0i8iUUFOpUhk/s1600/martin.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4chDdJtG_czup3-wlqTfLMSWU5AYYHOkFrRDwvVxcQmIrc5drutyr8EdGz_w64fRSg17A1SxgCSzoJIx7DfpepbzYWesgBbMKPpzObrBarKPuYZSeoNp8e8ze428eyiJ0i8iUUFOpUhk/s320/martin.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Had absolutely no ties with Fianna Fáil before 26th January 2011</b></span></td></tr>
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It is furthermore a matter of greatest regret to us if our articles gave rise to the belief that Mícheál Mairtín’s birth was the result of the fleeting but hot-blooded union of an unusually amorous coconut and a gaelgóir donkey’s vagina. We are sure we did not mean for him to be seen as a twisting, conniving weasel, in whom the narrow, undemocratic scheming of old Dev finds a paltry and insidious imitation.</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We are heartily sorry if this impression has been instilled in any of our readers or indeed filtered into the wider public domain as a result of articles published within The Templar Times.</div>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-13535736115454792432011-02-02T21:53:00.013+00:002011-02-21T15:55:43.254+00:00Archie Gets Political!<b style="color: #3d85c6;">Dublin:</b><br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZZj0-TMyhyZ0FYPRqbwvBeIf6L9nDmbqlcl3FHT_Z4_zkyCGEQs470w-IJbYtVyedBz7m48ETmg7mRKmilDB2ukzmV0GZGmmLjOHIPwUvLn9rOgIvuOlZlN7R9beONt0RVRr5PkBkvPY/s1600/IMG_6394.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZZj0-TMyhyZ0FYPRqbwvBeIf6L9nDmbqlcl3FHT_Z4_zkyCGEQs470w-IJbYtVyedBz7m48ETmg7mRKmilDB2ukzmV0GZGmmLjOHIPwUvLn9rOgIvuOlZlN7R9beONt0RVRr5PkBkvPY/s320/IMG_6394.JPG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Spotted on Adelaide Road</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>It has been less than 24 hours since the posters began appearing.<br />
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Once again the grey, windswept landscape of our fair city has become the playground of the established political classes as they tag every available lamp-post with their smug, posturing visages; their lust for power barely concealed by their pointless slogans that would make even a hardened marketing exec wince in embarrassment. Promises to you and me that <i>they</i> will make a difference; that <i>they </i>are the ones who will bring about the Great Change; that they <i>care</i>.<br />
<br />
But wait, what's this? From out of the cynical gloom comes a ray of hope. A group of arty farty malcontents actually have the audacity to start a backlash that will rival the politicians tagging frenzy; a poster campaign of their very own!<br />
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It is the UpStart Initiative.<br />
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Artists far and near were offered the chance to contribute to a project that would see the lamp-posts of Dublin littered with 1,000 images from the creative minds of 500 individuals. <br />
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Now we could be on a par with the politicians and scar the landscape with our own belched out creations of what we considered art or worth a second glance.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIu8EQSKKM54AJ6CgEhbXztMT-q8-33ShOZiW4bgdoiC8n-Xf1GCUmBHevyMya3gDTKXYh2LBZ5vmwc-fwu9v4tfq3dZrvXjech80zkUVKfQ05Wk4j94O0Q26roKuBSTc9QbBAPHmVdn4/s1600/UKIYO.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIu8EQSKKM54AJ6CgEhbXztMT-q8-33ShOZiW4bgdoiC8n-Xf1GCUmBHevyMya3gDTKXYh2LBZ5vmwc-fwu9v4tfq3dZrvXjech80zkUVKfQ05Wk4j94O0Q26roKuBSTc9QbBAPHmVdn4/s320/UKIYO.jpg" width="191" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>Outside Ukiyo, Exchequer Street</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table>For my contribution the message had to be simple. Something as mundane and obvious as the tripe the politicians were littering their shite posters with, but something that spoke to everyone of this tiny little island nation.<br />
<br />
"Who can we trust?"<br />
<br />
Right now, tucked up a lamp-post on the South side of Dublin alongside hundreds of other works of art is this poster below just begging to have a moustache drawn on it.<br />
<br />
So next time you look up to see some politician whose face you'd love to smash in and are about to inadvertently knock down a pedestrian, look a little to the left or to the right of that street and you may just see something just a little different, something a little more real.<br />
<br />
Happy voting yiz feckers!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.upstart.ie/">http://www.upstart.ie</a><br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/UpStartpromotingtheimportanceofcreativityinIreland">http://www.facebook.com/UpStartpromotingtheimportanceofcreativityinIreland</a><a href="http://www.facebook.com/UpStartpromotingtheimportanceofcreativityinIreland"></a><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrh1qJmEs_isbPK2C3dX2VSqAw_ItHzgPen-wVEk5Mcy-P6tx0rJAAni2QUMq_LWgY0-JsM1BJo9p4EAfHWXMNcQBMPsCHrBUpCczuNMXnJjuLDyjr9eRL_cKsYLXYVxRdejnLTWqPxHM/s1600/UPSTART.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrh1qJmEs_isbPK2C3dX2VSqAw_ItHzgPen-wVEk5Mcy-P6tx0rJAAni2QUMq_LWgY0-JsM1BJo9p4EAfHWXMNcQBMPsCHrBUpCczuNMXnJjuLDyjr9eRL_cKsYLXYVxRdejnLTWqPxHM/s1600/UPSTART.png" /></a></div><a href="http://www.upstart.ie/">http://www.upstart.ie</a><br />
<a href="http://www.facebook.com/UpStartpromotingtheimportanceofcreativityinIreland">http://www.facebook.com/UpStartpromotingtheimportanceofcreativityinIreland</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/boomingback/5428822294/in/photostream/">http://www.flickr.com/photos/boomingback/5428822294/in/photostream/</a><br />
<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/boomingback/5421299683/in/photostream/">http://www.flickr.com/photos/boomingback/5421299683/in/photostream/</a>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-89741505156057809032011-01-01T21:24:00.007+00:002011-01-03T23:21:48.072+00:002010 - The Year In Review (or, What In The Name Of Christ Just Happened?!)<div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="color: #990000; font-size: small;"><b>Reporters: </b></span><br />
<span style="color: #990000; font-size: small;"><b>Papa P. Hotel </b></span><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="color: #990000;"><i>reporting from Beirut</i>, A. T. A. Templar <i>reporting from the Seventh Circle of Hell</i>.</span></b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">2010. It </span><span style="font-size: small;">seems </span><span style="font-size: small;">just like yesterday doesn't it? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Well, to help you remember some of the stories you'd rather soon forget our intrepid Templar Times reporters have scoured the archives to bring you the biggest and boldest scoops of the year, all compiled into one simple to follow page. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">So forget your snooty Irish Times looking down their nose at you, or The Sun with its' desperate attempts at connecting with the Common Man; The Templar Times is the only reliable source in a world of fakers. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Humbly Yours,</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">A+P</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">2011</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>January</b></span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span lang="EN-US">Blasphemy, <i>Now</i>!</span></b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbsQxf_Tl3iKAdwOaBIFc2pofX0mFDmmCFfIMhIgyD9kY2FVpIQAn4Y7mmQ46YVqVbt3AHWZuJMSWeXWc-hbTaS9g6ST5sUrfToKfIdFVxg1pyOrnkFg1ila0zgVe4agfNTqK2vN1w9Vc/s1600/Dermot+Ahern.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbsQxf_Tl3iKAdwOaBIFc2pofX0mFDmmCFfIMhIgyD9kY2FVpIQAn4Y7mmQ46YVqVbt3AHWZuJMSWeXWc-hbTaS9g6ST5sUrfToKfIdFVxg1pyOrnkFg1ila0zgVe4agfNTqK2vN1w9Vc/s200/Dermot+Ahern.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Ahern: The power of Christ compels him</b></span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: small;">Bowing to massive public pressure and unanimous support from the voices in his head, Minister for Justice Dermot Ahern signs into law an amendment to the Defamation Bill that will make blasphemy fashionable again. Moany civil rights activists and rational thinking people across Ireland splutter into their cornflakes but are ultimately ignored as Ahern contests “...I do not have the luxury of ignoring our Constitution.” adding, “Jesus rocks!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span lang="EN-US">In other news:</span></b></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: small;"> Cowen and the boys, always thinking a few steps ahead, rule out holding a public inquiry into the banking crisis in 2010 or any time in the immediate future. Minister for Foreign Affairs Micheál Martin says “...such an investigation is not an immediate priority for the Government.” Twits.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>February</b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrzTI6kxow2kaVVnkTU-1QNDDZXqMmlYuDv8Y1GZl3GLHZHAE5vyN-88F8rnkSgedv_lJBRoSyU-dOXIhGVRdfbk0-mXAj2xesKAAbgDeVMLPq5qd5-PShOPQdJNLhsSEp1Nrv0T-PuWE/s1600/George_Library_333191d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrzTI6kxow2kaVVnkTU-1QNDDZXqMmlYuDv8Y1GZl3GLHZHAE5vyN-88F8rnkSgedv_lJBRoSyU-dOXIhGVRdfbk0-mXAj2xesKAAbgDeVMLPq5qd5-PShOPQdJNLhsSEp1Nrv0T-PuWE/s200/George_Library_333191d.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Man Child George Lee</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;">Pouring cold water on the notion that TV and radio celebrities are flighty and unpredictable prima donnas, economist and RTÉ darling George Lee last June took the very serious step of entering politics on the side of former fascists and Fianna Fáil pretenders, the Blueshirts. After a thoughtless and disruptive exit from his roles at RTÉ to compete in the South Dublin by-election, the pin-up boy and champion of the upper classes swore that he would bring sweeping changes to the body politic with his maverick style and incisive fiscal analysis. Unfortunately Fine Gael is run like a small town newspaper and if you’re the new boy you make the tea and hand out the post.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">This February Georgie poured cold water upon the cold water that had been poured on the notion that TV and radio celebrities are flighty and unpredictable prima donnas when, in an exuberant fit of impudence, he threw all of his toys out of the pram over the party’s failure to crown him High King of Ireland.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">Needless to say, after deserting and utterly failing the people whom he was supposed to be representing, RTÉ welcomed him back with open arms for, as we have learned, there are those in this country whose jobs and comfort are protected at the direct expense of the rest of us.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgExF87mjvO2AcupQ6wkXkHN_f_pIqMM0brvc6Gp9i3EbePi9ULibYBtAp9k6d2wPn0WSMdjVgdlDBrOM0yKI4Zh4nNs_s6iAqNsotqeB3MEdA8HKUMyZPte-nGKFRaDtskwz8vlIENN0A/s1600/Willie-ODea.Gun.beware.of.context.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="147" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgExF87mjvO2AcupQ6wkXkHN_f_pIqMM0brvc6Gp9i3EbePi9ULibYBtAp9k6d2wPn0WSMdjVgdlDBrOM0yKI4Zh4nNs_s6iAqNsotqeB3MEdA8HKUMyZPte-nGKFRaDtskwz8vlIENN0A/s200/Willie-ODea.Gun.beware.of.context.jpg" width="200" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>"A to the mutherfuckin' K."</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>In other news:</b> In the second high profile political resignation of the month, famous moustache wearer, gun-toting boyo and government minister Willie O’Dea bowed out of politics after committing the very serious crime of perjury before the high court. When asked about the incident Mr O’Dea said “Look, I call a spade a spade as much as the next man or Mary O’Rourke and so I called Maurice Quinlivan out as a pimp. Then I lied about it. I’m a politician, what the fuck did you expect kid?!”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">No charges will be brought against Mr O’Dea on account of his hirsute upper lip having propped up prostate cancer support services in the state for the last 150 years.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: large;"><b>March</b></span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">As Ireland prepares for Arthurs Day, the lesser known Saint Patrick’s Day proves a good practice run for the celebration and worship of alcohol by the world’s number one boozy nation.<br />
<br />
Senior members of the Irish government travelled around the world to challenge foreign leaders to drinking contests in a show of force for the struggling tiny island.<br />
<br />
“We mightn’t be able to run a country without fucking over every living soul but by Jaysus we know how to drink!” A visibly pished Brian Cowen slurred.<br />
<br />
While in Washington Taoiseach Brian Cowen was thanked by President Obama for Irelands’ continued culpability in aiding the United States in their illegal wars by way of United States military aircrafts continued use of Shannon Airport as a tour stop.<br />
</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEOTmikqTSAFrQHjC-Ejm2J7m2uh-PAEHFUSK-Pl3aWwflHM1SBX4van_Y_49bgfQfPvxAFzWYfs367VZNaZvkjPhBB2PeNXF_1jBk-Ll0kGWjaEtJAz9ijJqtbBwFCUysCPPb5ToXmfc/s1600/iraqi_man.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="135" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEOTmikqTSAFrQHjC-Ejm2J7m2uh-PAEHFUSK-Pl3aWwflHM1SBX4van_Y_49bgfQfPvxAFzWYfs367VZNaZvkjPhBB2PeNXF_1jBk-Ll0kGWjaEtJAz9ijJqtbBwFCUysCPPb5ToXmfc/s200/iraqi_man.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">Mr. Hassans murdered family of five </span><br style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;" /><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"> by invading US forces disagrees with </span><br style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;" /><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"> Mr. Cowens assessment of Irelands neutrality</span> </span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;">During a brief press conference President Obama was asked by journalists why American military aircraft could not simply be built with bigger fuel tanks that could continue the short journey and land in Britain, the United States biggest ally in their War on Terror. President Obama simply chuckled, commenting with that winning smile “Hey, zap dabba doop, whap da bee bop!”</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Mr. Cowen also reminded journalists that Ireland was indeed “A totally neutral country and would never ever get involved in any way with anything like that whatsoever.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<div style="color: #3d85c6;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>April</b></span></div></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWYVOO_9RjqovhNpE1_M2obO1dMkT1ce8qaR_t6PULk_93zRh9NEGpohLJ2LdQ1Q21732CTFwKPt6W2RDKmdsZ7oqowlwdIr7FQH4qTily2iwU-rCoViv9mVlUANveh9mbwByn-9kWA9s/s1600/Gods+Wrath.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWYVOO_9RjqovhNpE1_M2obO1dMkT1ce8qaR_t6PULk_93zRh9NEGpohLJ2LdQ1Q21732CTFwKPt6W2RDKmdsZ7oqowlwdIr7FQH4qTily2iwU-rCoViv9mVlUANveh9mbwByn-9kWA9s/s320/Gods+Wrath.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>"The Wrath Of God All Fucking Mighty"</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In April of this year a gigantic nuclear volcanic ash cloud of death held the civilised world to ransom. Forged in Iceland, within the boiling caldera heart of Wu-Tang volcano god, Ejaculatinfallickilla, the demonic plume surged and broiled its way south and east of its bankrupt island home in search of sacrificial blood to appease its anger at the global mismanagement of the financial sector. Setting its sights on the major airlines of the world, it lurked menacingly over Europe, flexing its gritty black muscles and leering suggestively at the vestal virgins of Stockholm, Copenhagen and the one in Mullingar. Not even official death’s-head of air travel and poster-boy of low-rent shite Michael O’Leary could threaten the pulsating plume into withdrawal with his facile gurning and white jeans fucky Louis Walsh face. Incensed by the inconvenience of reality, O’Leary, acting on behalf of Ryanair, took out incendiary newspaper advertisements and made public statements of castigation against Iceland, the Irish Government, Aer Lingus, Europe, Europeans, public masturbation, Aer Lingus, equitable wage agreements, unionisation, pilots, ferry companies, Aer Lingus, sick children, people in wheelchairs, human decency, generosity of spirit, charitable acts and Aer Lingus. He also announced a new international route to the very bowels of Hell.</span><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><br style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;" /><b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b>In other news:</b> Tabloid headline writers fell asleep at the wheel in April when Cork-born conjoined twins Hassan and Hussein Benhaffaf (pronounced Ben-Half-Half) were successfully separated and no tasteless puns were printed.</span><b><br />
</b></span><br />
<div style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>May</b></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="color: black;">"Die Palestinian, Die, Die!" </span></b><b><br />
</b></span></div><div style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: small;">An Aid Flotilla bound for the Gaza Strip through the Israeli naval blockade is attacked on international waters by Israeli commandos. Nine volunteers are murdered, five with shots to the head. Almost 700 aid workers are held in captivity before someone pipes up “What in the name of fuck is going on here?” Ultimately any voices of reason are silenced as being anti-Semitic as Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahoo repeats his countries defensive mantra to all of their reprehensible acts of aggression “<i>Remember the Holocaust, Remember the Holocaust, Remember the Holocaust</i>.”</span></div><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVsFqzGXUTkkXBebzgNyjWHihynZnmpjASL70M1xOVumBdfsxPEAGouBr9IGo28QyEw4ZjH3fwcnXiGxLUu1jaGy0nUhmFWe6L19hSKyKUZpFmoIHHNfx6mEmW6dOrFDWS3MvI-8r3ylg/s1600/1233515520benjamin_netanyahu_likud_glasses.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVsFqzGXUTkkXBebzgNyjWHihynZnmpjASL70M1xOVumBdfsxPEAGouBr9IGo28QyEw4ZjH3fwcnXiGxLUu1jaGy0nUhmFWe6L19hSKyKUZpFmoIHHNfx6mEmW6dOrFDWS3MvI-8r3ylg/s320/1233515520benjamin_netanyahu_likud_glasses.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span lang="EN-US">Netanyahoo “The actions of the Third Reich </span></b></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><b><span lang="EN-US">have brought us to this place.”</span></b></span></div></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-oZjwJ-SGoi7_bXJG_wryMd8qdEpC7Bp3aSNvkQn7nBHBdT4mO_aKhJegbqou9Yk8iUy_zoJ8tctesVitNJj35Geye55SZNPzhU3vESTBd_E6dAONMqNcAbW-9d-pJKlLSXIkfzHoU-Q/s1600/JOE+DUFFY.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-oZjwJ-SGoi7_bXJG_wryMd8qdEpC7Bp3aSNvkQn7nBHBdT4mO_aKhJegbqou9Yk8iUy_zoJ8tctesVitNJj35Geye55SZNPzhU3vESTBd_E6dAONMqNcAbW-9d-pJKlLSXIkfzHoU-Q/s1600/JOE+DUFFY.jpg" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Joe Duffy; Meddling nuisance</span></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: small;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span lang="EN-US">In Other News:</span></b></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: small;"> After an intense campaign by Joe Duffy and organised criminal gangs firebombing so called Head Shops selling crap drugs the forward thinking Irish government decide to ban the “natural highs” with immediate knee-jerk effect. </span></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmfhLMBN5wG1WBLg_ztOKcU_-XgmRMPuBTfkRK_wCbOD9-ymhe7Wijy4O-WhZ3rxeqgba-MVsnJ0TLNR13pUPnweLzfxaVBFB2VvbrItMNAAOqmMf4o4CLU0sGFN_2GBqQt1R0xxhAX1A/s1600/_38362973_mary_harney_pa150.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmfhLMBN5wG1WBLg_ztOKcU_-XgmRMPuBTfkRK_wCbOD9-ymhe7Wijy4O-WhZ3rxeqgba-MVsnJ0TLNR13pUPnweLzfxaVBFB2VvbrItMNAAOqmMf4o4CLU0sGFN_2GBqQt1R0xxhAX1A/s1600/_38362973_mary_harney_pa150.jpg" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span lang="EN-US" style="color: black;">Mary Harney; Munter</span></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Minister for Health Mary Harney announces that “</span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">'These substances are dangerous” referring to the rubbish drugs available in head shops</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">. </span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In the same year</span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> there are almost 6,000 tobacco related deaths on the little Island of Ireland.</span></span><br />
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; font-size: small;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Cigarettes remain legal. </span></span><br />
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</div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: small;"><span style="color: black;">This is the world you live in.</span></span></div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></div><div style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt;"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 11pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div><div style="color: #3d85c6;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>June</b></span></div></div><div style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG9Z0u-uBk-hP8pg92_D3woGTm7LVcCwcpBY6pEEIIMEslzPgURPhC87-FJ8HWz8hbWE5xIHEaNZ6irERVeU9Y0Qr-aS2R6247dPzTMAfQt_TIvJIFeKbZJNBeaA_93OjWew9_PCEbulM/s1600/IvorCallely.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgG9Z0u-uBk-hP8pg92_D3woGTm7LVcCwcpBY6pEEIIMEslzPgURPhC87-FJ8HWz8hbWE5xIHEaNZ6irERVeU9Y0Qr-aS2R6247dPzTMAfQt_TIvJIFeKbZJNBeaA_93OjWew9_PCEbulM/s1600/IvorCallely.jpg" /></a></span></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>Callely; "I don't fucking answer to you."</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;">In June, Ivor Callelly took pole position in the race for the title of <i>Most Hated Man in Ireland </i>after stealing €81,000 from a blind orphans’ fund to cover the growing cost of human child meat upon the black market. This much disparaged and rare delicacy is a favourite of Callely and the strange array of guests whom he entertains at his secret lair in Kilcrohane, West Cork.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">The fact that Callely refused to respond to any questions or allegations levelled at him added weight to the rumour that he had used some of the money to complete his gender reassignment treatment and is now moonlighting as body double for fellow confidence trickster and Nazi apologist, Beverly Cooper Flynn.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>In other news:</b> Sky News thought that all their Christmases had come at once when divorced father of two, Derrick “Birdy” Bird went on a shotgun tour of the lake district. The fact that the station was able to simply run a live feed from a helicopter mounted camera for half a day freed up the channel’s ‘ reporters’ to invent enough exciting news stories to keep their autocues ticking over for the following fortnight.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: small;">After the incident reached it grisly conclusion, a spokesman for the Cumbrian Police described how the bobbies had all blown hard upon their whistles and given chase whilst a man in a tuxedo played piano really fast and dark-eyed women with lacquered hair and pale complexions had put their hands to their mouths in silent screams and swooned. Cornered at last upon a river bank, Derrick Bird was wrestled to the ground by famous pie-enthusiast and former footballer, Paul Gascoigne, who then killed him with a single gunshot to the head.</span><br />
<div style="color: #3d85c6;"><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><b><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></b></div><div style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">July</span></b></div><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkzqBaT1cFFGVgKdJ0TFfuOs44eKG2piEuXaHteGorf4m1m5OSmR7kWKDjewPpZoQVnDU2chK7RXBgzQPVd3QgbZtxrCT6eko_L6NIf_BuJ9FSLnap00725ZItcaJqXJOflEy1I5VaNbo/s1600/0109_cowen_l_201087t.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkzqBaT1cFFGVgKdJ0TFfuOs44eKG2piEuXaHteGorf4m1m5OSmR7kWKDjewPpZoQVnDU2chK7RXBgzQPVd3QgbZtxrCT6eko_L6NIf_BuJ9FSLnap00725ZItcaJqXJOflEy1I5VaNbo/s1600/0109_cowen_l_201087t.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;"><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b>“Seriously, it’ll be <i>fine</i>”</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;">Half way through the year and the coalition government of Ireland is doing absolutely fucking nothing to reassure the Irish people that their country isn’t about to collapse into a financial black hole. Only one statement is issued by Taoiseach Brian Cowen when questioned about the imminent meltdown of the economy and the impending generational debt about to be rammed up the taxpayers’ ass.<br />
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“It’ll be graaand.” </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Oh, alright then.</span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg45md-lI0X3SvX9mSk9poK9EpFExu6DAK1y8x3TVu0ELxhvAVrt3dVOfCyJllXmH9f4-a9BSxaWsLjzpJ1m699fdetsTQRYtszW5BV8R59m4KjeWKgqkD8G18O-Snk1oMKh3O5mjHahYk/s1600/Irish_News_10-1_jpg_334823t.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg45md-lI0X3SvX9mSk9poK9EpFExu6DAK1y8x3TVu0ELxhvAVrt3dVOfCyJllXmH9f4-a9BSxaWsLjzpJ1m699fdetsTQRYtszW5BV8R59m4KjeWKgqkD8G18O-Snk1oMKh3O5mjHahYk/s200/Irish_News_10-1_jpg_334823t.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><b>Ó Snódaigh; Irelands' future <i>Minister <br />
of Kicking Fianna Fáil TD's Cars</i></b></span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
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</tbody></table><b style="color: #3d85c6;"><span style="font-size: large;">August</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">Sinn Féin this month revealed a novel way of appealing to a wider section of their natural demographic by putting their election literature on beer mats. Aengus Ó Snódaigh declared that one side of the beermat would carry a comprehensive list of the party’s political aims, a list of all benefits of voting for candidates with close links to career criminals and unreformed murderers and the dates of all Celtic FC fixtures for the coming season. The flip side, to underscore how the party is embracing a new all-inclusive Ireland, will feature a photograph </span><br />
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</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;">of Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness open-mouth kissing.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><b>In other news: </b> Convicted rapist and sexy attacker Larry Murphy this month walked free after spending ten unapologetic years of a fifteen year sentence behind bars. He cut a dashing figure as he walked through the gates of Arbour Hill prison, jauntily sporting a dark baseball cap and a black hooded sweat top with gold leaf flocking and double back-stitched trim. It is understood that whilst ‘inside’, The Sally-Gap Strangler, has become a keen follower of X-Factor and hopes to pay Danni Minogue a visit at her place of work. When pressed on whether this meant that he planned to be a contestant on the show he became reticent and left quickly in a waiting taxi. It emerged also that Larry has been busy preparing for life on the outside and has already lined up job interviews with Coillte and Dublin-Wicklow Mountain Rescue.</span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
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<b style="color: #3d85c6;"><span style="font-size: large;">September</span></b><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPbQ7W_O1Hz_eaGajhrRsI3dM7h1NWxzFcmt44BqSC3dyZ7oMbVmIS5G4vNAGo6V2tx8zsX-kD-rKygq-VjzKA5yjUi2glmSsLJmoXpduLWULykYNfTAAx9CLIf5dv9p4-sbT2376_ueQ/s1600/adolf-hitler-speech.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPbQ7W_O1Hz_eaGajhrRsI3dM7h1NWxzFcmt44BqSC3dyZ7oMbVmIS5G4vNAGo6V2tx8zsX-kD-rKygq-VjzKA5yjUi2glmSsLJmoXpduLWULykYNfTAAx9CLIf5dv9p4-sbT2376_ueQ/s320/adolf-hitler-speech.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><b>Adolf Hitler; Atheism made him want to murder Jews.</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;">Pope Benedict XVI visits Britain to spread a message of Love, Peace, Understanding and to provide tips on how best to kill an atheist if you come into contact with one.<br />
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Echoing sentiments made earlier in the year by Cardinal Murphy-O’Connor when he stated that “atheists are not fully human” Benedict also reminded the gathered masses actually still listening to his warbled nonsense of the dangers of “atheist extremism” and references Hitler as an example of how atheism can turn you into a genocidal maniac.<br />
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<i> </i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><i>Controversy</i>:<br />
Unable to make the trip Cardinal Walter Kasper gave the public their much needed fix when he compared arriving in Heathrow Airport to “...arriving in some backwater, fly-infested Third World shit-trap where the smell of negro and curry is palpable.”<br />
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Refusing to apologise, The Vatican issued a statement saying that the remarks were taken out of context and that anyone criticising the Catholic Church can go fuck themselves.</span><br />
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<div style="color: #3d85c6;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">October</span></b></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Sp4F3P-XZ203MDkAo_MZtV2pKOs-jgRe1OTbTjvLfBBna4ab7qLbs_fqMRcpnK2zYGs0LXOEmY7r3JX6cSE0DsZUSD7So9PHKdDtJqHYXKbExg7qQae8pVVzVxopKyyxhLuFDAPk0TY/s1600/Semper+Gay.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5Sp4F3P-XZ203MDkAo_MZtV2pKOs-jgRe1OTbTjvLfBBna4ab7qLbs_fqMRcpnK2zYGs0LXOEmY7r3JX6cSE0DsZUSD7So9PHKdDtJqHYXKbExg7qQae8pVVzVxopKyyxhLuFDAPk0TY/s320/Semper+Gay.jpg" width="313" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">The United States Military</span></b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;"><br />
US District Judge Virginia Phillips this month issued a worldwide injunction ending the US military’s ban on openly gay troops through its “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy. There was much kissing and cuddling in the trenches as the judgement was passed and one hotpant wearing service member when asked for his view on the ground-breaking injunction answered "I’d like to break ground in your junction, mmm-hmm! You know what I’m sayin’ honey?!"</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;">American conservatives and their unlikely comrade the illiterate, ignorant redneck have released the following statement :<br />
“It is appalling and distasteful in the extreme that the lives of our young, heterosexual men and women and the very freedom and security of our glorious nation should be put at risk in this fashion. How can a soldier perform his or her duty safely and completely when he or she is constantly having to check if the gays are having a little look at their bum-bum?!”<br />
Sarah Palin has already organised church meetings throughout Alaska to help ‘Pray Away the Gay’.<span id="goog_837021552"></span><span id="goog_837021553"></span><span id="goog_837021554"></span><span id="goog_837021555"></span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYLlt6EK1Zg1qRx1eFOvxoZcLwb83ZV5z5mimPp_gE0y69UecNQJYPWO4F8koi_GbMfDIExiCQou3RLJIOrTW37lUK7igrSkjo8bOCAy8tKY6vP-byq_ZcTpN9rmh9b1y-iVsWxeTdQpQ/s1600/boy_george.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYLlt6EK1Zg1qRx1eFOvxoZcLwb83ZV5z5mimPp_gE0y69UecNQJYPWO4F8koi_GbMfDIExiCQou3RLJIOrTW37lUK7igrSkjo8bOCAy8tKY6vP-byq_ZcTpN9rmh9b1y-iVsWxeTdQpQ/s200/boy_george.jpg" width="155" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><i><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;">Holeeee shit</span><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">!</span></i></b></td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: small;"> <b>In other news: </b>Pop icon Boy George this month confirmed that there would most definitely likely probably for certain be a Culture Club reunion to coincide with the band’s 30th anniversary in 2012.<br />
It remains to be seen how popular the band will prove with today’s brood of self-interested brats, for most of whom Boy George will be familiar only as a fat drug addict, sweeping streets in a high-vis vest.<br />
Still, if the band that wrote and recorded ‘The Crying Game ‘ can’t eclipse X-factor for a moment at least, then pop culture really is fucked.<br />
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<b style="color: #3d85c6;"><span style="font-size: large;">November</span></b><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9psJxcZT6lR5Oq_BLArFMW1DoNy4z8u_CAuILBSAsSn7wViqyT4lzIn9ybxpTNAPXfYbeER8B1sbGq_zpHYiK960u0X6v9FjbB9oqvCxsfEAckGCFkbbGJnawgsNlIx-bJs2Offscr2k/s1600/eng_pork_5_BM_Bayer_716532p.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9psJxcZT6lR5Oq_BLArFMW1DoNy4z8u_CAuILBSAsSn7wViqyT4lzIn9ybxpTNAPXfYbeER8B1sbGq_zpHYiK960u0X6v9FjbB9oqvCxsfEAckGCFkbbGJnawgsNlIx-bJs2Offscr2k/s200/eng_pork_5_BM_Bayer_716532p.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">Irelands most respected politician</span></span></b> </td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;">Stuck for ideas on how to rile up an already rabid public, Fianna Fáil Minister for Agriculture Brendan Smith announces that free cheese is to be provided to “Those most in need” at Christmas. <br />
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Initial skepticism soon changes to outright delight and adoration as across the country homeless people drop to their knees in prayer, overcome with emotion at this gesture.<br />
<br />
Even the most hardened Fianna Fáil critics cannot fault this most magnanimous of acts as opposition parties resolve to support the government in any of its future decisions without so much as even a quibble.<br />
<br />
“I think that with this one gesture, Fianna Fáil has shown that they are indeed worthy of being our Lord Masters and that we should support them in each and every decision they make from this moment forward.” Spluttered an emotional Enda Kenny, Leader of the Fine Gael party.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiezqBZFmWjLfI1Ycy29vrs6EOWCunry1jFVWM2OYmkXLyKnCjJaLNrptYF7iZYkLgYtwImCCBBSLiJgVWeF_pNdA7DjzIXtWcS3aGxcbDY26LrwgbFJKZ6WahDCL_h_vKZM-vgzkOcX_Y/s1600/cheese-house.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiezqBZFmWjLfI1Ycy29vrs6EOWCunry1jFVWM2OYmkXLyKnCjJaLNrptYF7iZYkLgYtwImCCBBSLiJgVWeF_pNdA7DjzIXtWcS3aGxcbDY26LrwgbFJKZ6WahDCL_h_vKZM-vgzkOcX_Y/s200/cheese-house.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
<span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><b>An artists impression of images <br />
floating around Brendan Smiths head</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>Suddenly the Irish banking scandals didn't seem so bad.<br />
<br />
The ineptitude of the government in the past was just that, in the past. <br />
<br />
The 450,000 plus unemployed was not something to be looked at in a negative light. <br />
<br />
The developers loans that the taxpayer would be paying through the nose for for the rest of their lives really didn't seem that big a deal. <br />
<br />
The idea that the Irish people had been left to pay the tab by the likes of Sean Fitzpatrick, Sean Dunne, Michael <b></b>Fingleton, Johnny Ronan and all the other elite, untouchable mother fuckers was a mere inconvenience.<br />
<br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
For as long as even one homeless person got their free bit of cheese, that was what mattered, and to say otherwise would be scurrilous and disrespectful in the extreme.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br />
<b style="color: #3d85c6;"><span style="font-size: large;">December</span></b><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
The month that will be remembered forever as the one in which Ireland got sold off to pay for the voracious appetites of the country’s rich; the weather took a giant snowy shit on us and Moro changed its wrapper.</span><br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu3Y6Q2p2eCW-Pq9lUVEClcC_91hhyrMHLV7TtEbZBrEsGnIIydRf9Oq8Qqsf6tobav59OgYfkEe_o0Sv24CuGIlz_Dw6xYw48B1zQfNmJMdEHUcZOSA29kDv7ENFTuO2eT8q6F-EwSu0/s1600/Morobar.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="90" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu3Y6Q2p2eCW-Pq9lUVEClcC_91hhyrMHLV7TtEbZBrEsGnIIydRf9Oq8Qqsf6tobav59OgYfkEe_o0Sv24CuGIlz_Dw6xYw48B1zQfNmJMdEHUcZOSA29kDv7ENFTuO2eT8q6F-EwSu0/s320/Morobar.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif; font-size: small;"><b>Dominating Headlines in December</b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: small;">Gone now is the simple blue yellow and red of Cadbury’s Moro that first appeared on sweet shop shelves shortly after Marathon made the controversial but unwavering transformation into Snickers. Its new, frosted looking, blue white and red wrapper seems to camouflage it between Wispa and and the Milkyway Stars where it hopes to be inadvertently selected by those not paying close enough attention to their sweety selection. In this fashion, Moro may enter the consciousness of a whole new generation of sweaty, pocket-money clutching fatties as the secret sweety. The subversive chocolatey, toffee and biscuity glue-stick, to be chewed with aching jaws and growing surprise buy those expecting the melting velvet simplicity of a Wispa or a few Milkway Stars.</span><span style="font-size: small;"> </span><br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiS0USQxHzmeWu6taBGMMBw_MtuapYXMcJJxZW24OVgq3_R_R5W9deEUIYQJvRE8rrWJ6WJz3nLZclrymDutdRtyR2mKUANr5JRMqqHkmxePdPwi3Juyr3vVH9r66RKHED2sjmBcsiqi0/s1600/christmas-santa-claus-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiS0USQxHzmeWu6taBGMMBw_MtuapYXMcJJxZW24OVgq3_R_R5W9deEUIYQJvRE8rrWJ6WJz3nLZclrymDutdRtyR2mKUANr5JRMqqHkmxePdPwi3Juyr3vVH9r66RKHED2sjmBcsiqi0/s200/christmas-santa-claus-2.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><b><span style="font-family: Times,"Times New Roman",serif;">Jesus Christ, the Son of God</span></b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"> <b>In other news: </b> Jesus successfully made his annual flyover on the 25th of December raining </span><span style="font-size: small;">presents down the chimneys of those deemed worthy enough. In his honour, pigs and turkeys were sacrificed across the land in the traditional festive bloodbath that accompanies the rocket propelled messiah.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><br />
<br />
</span></div></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #0b5394;"><br />
</span></span></b></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div><div style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></div>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-9210848526639464162010-11-03T23:16:00.003+00:002010-11-03T23:23:38.738+00:00“Daddy, where were you when it happened?”<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxEe1wsAf7RZcTpWPCmb08BPf10zPwR9iPy0IC75XxPMEIcVJImqM-_AkraIkFD7P-JlFYxVXud1UMTuz6pBuJiaLumL-bVfEMBiJOian8boFN1hlmLCO8AHXwfUF9XEpfjHelSmtg6jU/s1600/frame313.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxEe1wsAf7RZcTpWPCmb08BPf10zPwR9iPy0IC75XxPMEIcVJImqM-_AkraIkFD7P-JlFYxVXud1UMTuz6pBuJiaLumL-bVfEMBiJOian8boFN1hlmLCO8AHXwfUF9XEpfjHelSmtg6jU/s400/frame313.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><b>The moment of the shocking attack (AP)</b></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><b style="color: #3d85c6;">The Attack On Minister For Health Mary Harney:</b></div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">So this is it.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">This is the moment that everything changed. Forever.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">They say that the world as we know it changed on the 11<sup>th</sup> September 2001, but for the people of the Republic of Ireland it is the events of the 1<sup>st</sup> November 2010 that have irrevocably scarred the Irish psyche, leaving a country in numbed shock, reeling, searching for answers in the embers of what was once thought of as a nation above brutish barbarism and violent thuggish dissent.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Ireland, that last beacon of hope in a modern world fraught with financial uncertainty and social instability. A country that has served as a model to the world of the Utopian heights a democracy can reach given the freedom to flourish and fulfill its true potential.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">A country that single-handedly united Europe, invented the rainbow, ended world hunger and cured cancer.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">It has all come crashing down. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">All of this lost. All because of a tin of red paint.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Across this green land there were cries of anguish and despair as news of the attack spread. Strangers in the streets united with one and other to share their stories and their really important opinions that mattered; an unspoken bond formed as people, who only days earlier may have had an irrational disliking for the woman entrusted with Ireland's Health Service, now readily agreed that this form of attack was the lowest and cruelest form of terrorism.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Fair and balanced radio presenters like Joe Duffy joined the masses in condemning the attack, calling it “...not just an attack on one of our most beloved Ministers but an attack on the very fabric of our society...”, “...a disgusting, wretched example of the kind of violence that would make a serial killer puke his f**king load”.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">In town squares all across Ireland naysayers were hoisted by their necks and hung until they were dead for even suggesting that the “attack” may actually have been exaggerated by the media and that the “attack” was a small price to pay for all the misery caused by Minister Harney in her six years as Minister for Health.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">A minutes silence was held in the Dáil today where political friends and foes alike stood side by side, united in their grief and their resolve in facing an uncertain future marred by despicable violence against someone so high up in political office and held in such high regard.</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">A visibly shaken Gerry Adams arrived by special envoy to address the situation, and perhaps to publicly distance himself from former Sinn Féin <span id="lblBiography">councillor/Red Paint Terrorist Mentaler Louise Minihan</span>. Choking back the tears he issued a statement as he tried to come to terms with madness of it all. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“Why did it have to be red paint?” he trembled through quivering lips. “Why couldn't it have just been scat? <i>Why couldn't it have just been scat?</i>”</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">A dark day in Irish politics. </div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-bottom: 0in;"><br />
</div>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-22464591665900199512010-10-08T12:00:00.000+01:002010-10-08T12:00:39.298+01:00Tears For NAMAOnce again, back is the incredible, the rhyme animal, the incredible P!<br />
<br />
This week sees the return of our guest editor Papa Hotel as he serves up another delightful dollop of satire with a side order of Truth.<br />
<br />
So break out that bib, start salivating and take five minutes out to educate yourself.<br />
Your brain will not be left wanting; and that’s a Templar Times guarantee.<br />
<br />
Head on over to <b style="color: blue;"><a href="http://papahotellives.blogspot.com/2010/10/tears-for-nama.html">Papa Hotels Blog</a></b><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis53RuWXODrcf2OpCY62rCZMiYK-eVd4pnvdSncvB0NHxLWrgBsAhWlkkYWoM8PL6hjRkYHxPdUiw-frPX_TJI1shEtrYCY0dAU-vcqT1kWFMqvnjR5gwEA-GF5IRHFOriNIKvNy1xEpM/s1600/Jabba+the+Harney.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="363" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEis53RuWXODrcf2OpCY62rCZMiYK-eVd4pnvdSncvB0NHxLWrgBsAhWlkkYWoM8PL6hjRkYHxPdUiw-frPX_TJI1shEtrYCY0dAU-vcqT1kWFMqvnjR5gwEA-GF5IRHFOriNIKvNy1xEpM/s640/Jabba+the+Harney.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-13779799354163245962010-10-01T23:10:00.003+01:002010-11-04T12:22:28.021+00:00Brian Cowen Punches Pregnant Woman Just To Prove A Point<span style="font-weight: bold;">Offaly; County Ireland: </span><br />
<br />
The Taoiseach Mr. Brian Cowen assaulted a pregnant woman Tuesday at the opening ceremony of the new €300,000,000 Anglo-Irish Headquarters that doubles as an exclusive Automotive Health Spa for storing Bentleys and Maybachs in hermetically sealed chambers with ambient temperatures and piped music played live 24 hours a day by the Vienna Philharmonic Orchestra via holistic satellite feed.<br />
<br />
Before cutting the ribbon Mr. Cowen turned to reporters, calmly raised his two fingers to the cameras, announcing “Jesus was a queer!” before turning and delivering the devastating blow to Nora Ryans stomach. As she collapsed to the ground, there was a general shuffling of feet and embarrassed smiles all round from the gathered crowd before the small patter of clapping and murmurs of “good man yerself” could be heard. Mr Cowen looked perplexed at the reaction and shaking his head in disgust walked to his waiting car to continue on his tour of his home constituency; but not before excusing himself by spitting in the mayors face.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQQAAhw150cWTDSadCE36akBhYmYbxkydF3h01mwBk11ly9SLare8XIHpXPwC1GMLIsOxwygP_cs-Abtr7r328fBlGu6Uop8jBMJNs3rkdKC_Y6gZ0zYTK0AZWTDMfhg6DDeCO_umHg3Y/s1600/brian-cowen-bloody-mess.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5523207462358733826" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQQAAhw150cWTDSadCE36akBhYmYbxkydF3h01mwBk11ly9SLare8XIHpXPwC1GMLIsOxwygP_cs-Abtr7r328fBlGu6Uop8jBMJNs3rkdKC_Y6gZ0zYTK0AZWTDMfhg6DDeCO_umHg3Y/s320/brian-cowen-bloody-mess.jpg" style="float: left; height: 308px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 294px;" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Mr Cowen moments after delivering the near fatal</b></span><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container"><tbody>
<tr></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>punch to Ms. Ryans solar plexus</b></span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b> </b></span></td></tr>
</tbody></table><span style="font-size: x-small;"><b> </b></span></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;"><br />
</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;"><br />
</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Ms. Ryan, a single mother of three, is said to be in stable condition following the scare and is reported to be making a full recovery.<br />
<br />
This latest stunt comes in the wake of a series of embarrassing PR hiccups that have left Mr.Cowens spin doctors clamouring to pick up the pieces; while their Lord and Master seems intent on consigning his final days as the supreme leader of this wreck of a nation to oblivion.<br />
<br />
But this isn't how Mr. Cowen sees it.<br />
<br />
In a revealing interview on RTE's Prime Time last week the Taoiseach alluded to his seeming infallibility in the eyes of the Irish public. “I don't know what I have to do to get my sorry arse kicked out of this office and consigned to history. I'm at my fuckin wits end.” he blubbed. “No matter how much this government under <span style="font-style: italic;">my </span>leadership fucks things up we are still allowed to remain in office without a fucking clue what to do about it all.” “If this was <span style="font-style: italic;">any </span>other civilized fucking country the public would be up in fucking arms, literally, storming the Bastille so to speak, but no, not here in Ireland, yiz all just sit there in your homes spitting bile at the TV and then doing fuck all about it, ya gobshites.” he said, motioning to the camera with the international hand sign for <span style="font-style: italic;">wanker</span>.<br />
<br />
Questioned on whether he thought his government had responded appropriately to the economic meltdown that they had allowed to happen in the first place, Mr. Cowen had only this to say:<br />
<br />
“Lookit, I mean, besides the fact that my governments policies and our inaction in dealing with corrupt financial institutions have brought this country to its knees, and that not even one person has been made accountable for the actions that brought us here, or that there is even a notion of a plan that doesn't involve us raping the taxpayer and then drugging them just to re-rape them? <br />
<br />
“Of <span style="font-style: italic;">course </span>we haven't responded appropriately! We're a bunch of fuckin morons!! Don't you get it?”<br />
<br />
“But you know what? Come Monday morning I'll be strolling back into work without a care in the world, because I know the Irish public are going to do fuck all about it. I can literally say and do anything I want!”<br />
<br />
“Yiz cunts.”<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Mr Cowens itinerary for the month of October is as follows:</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">October 9th: Stephens Green, Dublin:</span> Mr Cowen plans to defecate on a copy of the Koran in front of an audience of press photographers and foreign dignitaries and then proceed to draw insulting images of the Prophet Muhammed using his fecal matter.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">October 16th: City Hall, Dublin:</span> In an attempt to address the homeless situation Mr. Cowen plans on dowsing a homeless person in petrol and setting them on fire before publicly urinating on their burnt, twisted carcass. <br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Date to be decided:</span> Using nothing more than a phone book and a high powered assault rifle Mr Cowen plans on killing 24 random Irish citizens in a 24 hour time period unless his demands are met.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">October 22nd:Dublin Castle:</span> Award Sean Fitzpatrick the Keys to the City of Dublin in a ceremony honouring all persons involved in the banking crisis and development scandals for their “bravery in the face of adversity”.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">Date to be decided:</span> Bomb a hospital.<br />
<br />
<span style="font-weight: bold;">October 31st: Halloween:</span> Out trick-or-treating with the Len and the boys armed with rotten eggs and stink bombs.<br />
<br />
<u><b>RELATED ARTICLES:</b></u> <b><a href="http://archie-templar.blogspot.com/2010/07/un-reinstates-term-dumb-mick.html">UN Reinstates Term “Dumb Mick”</a></b>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-72629732138027677842010-07-26T20:48:00.004+01:002010-10-14T11:13:33.032+01:00Archie Templar Selected Works 2007 - 2010<div style="text-align: left; width: 450px;"><div style="text-align: left; width: 450px;"><div style="text-align: left; width: 650px;"><div style="text-align: left; width: 750px;"><div style="text-align: left; width: 650px;"><object data="http://www.blurb.com/assets/embed.swf?book_id=1651392" height="400" id="myWidget" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="650"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><param name="movie" value="http://www.blurb.com/assets/embed.swf?book_id=1651392"></param><a target="_new" href="http://www.blurb.com/books/preview/1651392?ce=blurb_ew&utm_source=widget"><img src="http://bookshow.blurb.com/bookshow/cache/P2311574/md/wcover_2.png"></img></a></object><div style="display: block;"><a href="http://www.blurb.com/bookstore/detail/1651392?ce=blurb_ew&utm_source=widget" style="margin: 12px 3px;" target="_blank">ARCHIE TEMPLAR SELECTED WORKS 2007 - 2010</a> | <a href="http://www.blurb.com/landing_pages/bookshow?ce=blurb_ew&utm_source=widget" style="margin: 12px 3px;" target="_blank">Make Your Own Book</a></div></div></div></div></div></div>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-61212107485565255132010-07-08T09:47:00.001+01:002010-10-04T23:17:29.869+01:00Shock revelations as Trial of the Century continues: “We were simply following orders...”<span style="font-weight: bold;">The Hague, International Criminal Court</span>: In a trial that has garnered worldwide public attention the case against 197 of the Vatican City’s top lieutenants and deputies and the Holy Pontiff himself (in absentia) continued this Thursday, with some of the most eye watering revelations to date being read back to the defendants.<br />
<br />
In testimonies read by over seven and a half thousand victims so far, the evidence that the Vatican was at the heart of the worlds largest paedophile ring was mounting. Imagine The Killing Fields of Cambodia during Pol Pots reign of terror; but instead of Cambodians being slaughtered for a futile and meaningless cause, it was young children being sexually and violently molested by men of the cloth and the abuses being systematically covered up by an institution that was designed to keep its vast wealth tied up in its headquarters in Rome while convincing vulnerable and gullible people to give their time and money to help sustain a futile and meaningless cause.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5WpTEmK4fsO4EaTw76sji3WVUxnuLK6XG4JhingZDcrlPu-Hvq3bs_Wq6sxehoarwjCq1gZdbcK-MTRG84M4KlcvIUozcWp7W4PaXTYpQQhvDauGJ2Md2uPyla-K5A0wbuOYCoiANpDU/s1600/BRADY.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5491277772346764802" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5WpTEmK4fsO4EaTw76sji3WVUxnuLK6XG4JhingZDcrlPu-Hvq3bs_Wq6sxehoarwjCq1gZdbcK-MTRG84M4KlcvIUozcWp7W4PaXTYpQQhvDauGJ2Md2uPyla-K5A0wbuOYCoiANpDU/s400/BRADY.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 400px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 261px;" /></a><br />
Asked to respond to the allegations two of the most high profile defendants were defiant to the last. Obergruppenführer Sean Brady of the Irish Abteilung was non committal in showing any remorse for his inaction in the handling of Feldwebel Brendan “Der Weisse Engel” Smyth; a staff sergeant who would go on to become one of the Vatican’s top child molesters. In response to the charges put to him by the panel of nine International judges “...that he had to have known, and could have prevented the further abuse of children at the hands of Smyth”, Brady replied “I was simply following orders”.<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Obergruppenführer Sean Brady</span><br />
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<span style="font-style: italic;">– <span style="font-weight: bold;">The charges:</span> Gross negligence; dereliction of duty;</span><br />
<span style="font-style: italic;">facilitation of sex crimes against minors; assistance in the cover up of the crimes of a child rapist.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOoUBDy23rFfKwVxF5zKfOsrBl9MyuyrTkWdD7zj6hGA7zmMRKWJHyiCTyjiv3O6j52Wrc61b41jfoxb8fHJKD8sWA5WiwMieDtg_e5BlcVxD1eJCYIm1WlBlg59XdbZKragJIPMbeiQw/s1600/TARCISIO+.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" style="font-weight: bold;"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5491277345147845778" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOoUBDy23rFfKwVxF5zKfOsrBl9MyuyrTkWdD7zj6hGA7zmMRKWJHyiCTyjiv3O6j52Wrc61b41jfoxb8fHJKD8sWA5WiwMieDtg_e5BlcVxD1eJCYIm1WlBlg59XdbZKragJIPMbeiQw/s400/TARCISIO+.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: right; height: 400px; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; width: 261px;" /></a><br />
Flamboyant closet homosexual and velvet dress wearing fag queen Reichsführer Tarcisio “Flaming” Bertone was less forgiving of his accusers and read out a statement in his trademark shrill falsetto which has often been likened to the song of a young castrato. “These so called children were all deviants who were put on this earth to fulfil one prophecy; that of the Devil! Without their existence on this earth my fellow priests would never have succumbed to this weakness! Ergo, it is the children who walked this path and inexorably tainted the lives of innocents, and it is they who will burn in hell for all eternity with the Jews and Heathens!”<br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">Reichsführer Tarcisio Bertone</span><br />
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<span style="font-style: italic;">– <span style="font-weight: bold;">The charges:</span> Dissemination of hate material; Incitementof violence against minority groups; Being a particularly despicable and nasty piece of work and all round cunt.</span><br />
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Judgement on the first of the six main accused is expected within the next week with sentencing following immediately after for those found guilty. While the Pope has openly asked that the usual sentence meted out by the Catholic Church for such crimes be given, the ruling judge in the case, Sr. Carles Dominico was firm in dispelling any notions that this would be the case. “The usual punishment of a lifetime of prayer and pentinence as regularly ordered by the Church for crimes such as the raping and sexually violent abuse of children by their own clergy seems unrealistic and out of touch with reality to say the very least.”<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxOSgIxPbcoQrigMx5xYv9DE5r1q-ClbHMcTICZNgH86-IP-tiLYVzJDoTxArvDLalEcWCIq3MO_F2UmYsnehW0m2gzIEPRdtLUUeBr_JSWOkwugxx0_2SWxI-WZ2FK8rEK28rlm4RcOE/s1600/RATZINGER.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5491280706854208626" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxOSgIxPbcoQrigMx5xYv9DE5r1q-ClbHMcTICZNgH86-IP-tiLYVzJDoTxArvDLalEcWCIq3MO_F2UmYsnehW0m2gzIEPRdtLUUeBr_JSWOkwugxx0_2SWxI-WZ2FK8rEK28rlm4RcOE/s400/RATZINGER.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; float: left; height: 400px; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; width: 261px;" /></a>While currently indicted on 357 separate charges (inclusive of 324 de facto charges by way of inheritance of the mantel of Pontiff), Führer Pope Benedict has yet to be extradited to the Netherlands. Commenting on the proceedings from the safety of his big shiny palace in the Vatican City in Rome, he muttered, “In relation to these matters, all I can say is this.”<br />
“Who, in the name of Jesus H Christ, is going to take me on, huh? I’m the Pope, motherfucker!”<br />
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<span style="color: black; font-weight: bold;">Der Führer; Josef Ratzinger aka Pope Benedict XVI</span> (in absentia)<br />
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<span style="font-style: italic;">– <span style="font-weight: bold;">The charges:</span> Spearheading the worlds largest organised paedophile ring; bribery of officials and private citizens with the express purpose of covering up clerical abuse; Obstruction of justice;</span><br />
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<span style="font-weight: bold;">RELATED ARTICLES: <a href="http://archie-templar.blogspot.com/2010/07/test-blog.html"> Pope Benedict XVI advocates contraception for abusive priests.</a></span>A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3276228088121584595.post-57942642613194798742010-07-07T22:55:00.000+01:002010-07-08T15:08:04.254+01:00RCNI’s Clíona Saidléar: Redefining the term “Shrill”<span style="font-weight: bold;">Dublin</span>;<br />Rape Crisis Network Ireland Policy & Communications Director and Shrill Über-Feminist Clíona Saidléar has done herself no favours this week by announcing that, in her expert opinion, and in incredibly bad English,”...any women appearings [sic] in any advert anywhere that is better looking than I am is a denigrated bitch-slut panndering [sic] to mens rape fantasies.”<br /><br />Ms. Saidléar’s self serving comment comes in the wake of the RCNI’s formal complaint to the Advertising Standards Authority for Ireland (ASAI) about the incredibly sexy Hunky Dory adverts that the RCNI claim condone the violent abuse and sexual assault of women; and by extension of this that Irish men would respond to the adverts like depraved sexual deviants unable to tell fantasy from reality as they dragged their collective knuckles across the ground.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRPd09RAs7bIRVcl5EZiPTg-zNyBIdyugPYWy-Tgh8ZtqeVwbBZ4OB8KQEharUREwQc6umLRouoefx5ZOiBoGJBJNn09BoAvd01dMijUunDw30y6bmZPprpNABmfcMQSE9LkANdwpaaVw/s1600/CHAUVENISM.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 456px; height: 336px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRPd09RAs7bIRVcl5EZiPTg-zNyBIdyugPYWy-Tgh8ZtqeVwbBZ4OB8KQEharUREwQc6umLRouoefx5ZOiBoGJBJNn09BoAvd01dMijUunDw30y6bmZPprpNABmfcMQSE9LkANdwpaaVw/s400/CHAUVENISM.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5491287090019576754" border="0" /></a><br />This misguided and brazenly chauvinist perception of Irish mens supposed attitudes towards women displays once again just how out of touch an organisation can become when they leave their Public Relations in the hands of a person whose only aim is to pander to a small minorities perceived notions while attempting to use playground age pop-psychology to support their argument that would make a first year Sociology student blush.<br /><br />The official complaints use of the phrase “deeply cynical” in relation to describing an advertisement is literally jaw dropping in its naïveté, as Product Advertising by its very nature is cynical and is used purely as a tool to part people from their money to buy things that they don’t need but can’t afford not to have.<br /><br />At the time of going to press none of this really matters as no one is buying the corrugated, vomit tasting excuses that pass for a confectionery snack anyway.A Brief Historyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07327123119677137718noreply@blogger.com0