It was hailed as the most audacious political statement and social
experiment of the 21st Century; a human male being impregnated and
bringing a pregnancy to full term.
But
now, just three short months later it has ended, mired in controversy.
Six months ago United States Representative for Wisconsin's
1st congressional district, Paul Ryan, committed himself to a partial sex
change in order that he could become pregnant and bear a child.
The reason? To prove to his detractors that he was
willing to put himself in the firing line and suffer the physical,
psychological and physiological demands of pregnancy and the pain of child
birth no matter what the cause of conception.
The method of
conception? Gang rape.
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Above: The maximum security prison where
Ryan conceived his
unborn child
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A month after the successful operation Ryan had himself voluntarily
incarcerated in Wisconsin’s Secure Facility Program in Boscobel. Ryan was then subjected to repeated gang rape
up to five times a day over a period of two weeks. On his release and newly pregnant he vowed to
continue to full term, stating “The life that grows inside of me is the seed of
God Himself.”
And now, today, just three months into his pregnancy Ryan has
abruptly announced that the experiment would have to be discontinued.
Sacrifice and
Integrity.
In an emotional interview with Wisconsin’s foremost
Republican Party online publication, Rich
White American Today, Ryan clearly outlined
the reasons for abandoning the idea of following through on his pregnancy.
“Knowing the work
that lies ahead as the 2012 presidential campaign gets into full swing I have come to realise that this great experiment
is a distraction from the bigger issues; my becoming Vice-President of these
United States of America.” An emotional
Ryan continued. “My noble crusade for Righteousness should not come at the cost
of Americans losing out on the chance of having me as their Vice-President.”
“Did I also mention the Stretch marks, haemorrhoids, back
pain, mood swings, nausea, heartburn, lethargy, insomnia and sore, swollen
feet?”
Pro-Life. For Life.
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Above: Ryan poses for
the press before
undergoing the termination procedure
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“I truly believe that my pro-life position has been
reinforced by this overwhelming experience, from the pregnancy itself to my
decision to cancel the experiment. More
than ever I realise that the burden of making such a life-changing decision
should not be left to a woman, who is clearly not in control of all her
faculties when pregnant. Luckily for me
I am still actually a man and can make rational, informed decisions about my own
body.”
Controversy.
Hysterical, shrill left wing reports that the child had a 93%
chance of being African-American or Hispanic have sparked rumours that this was
the primary reason for the termination of the experiment. Spokesman for Ryan, a calm and collected Joseph
Kilcoon, had this to say on the matter. “Everybody knows that Mr Ryan had an
African-American girlfriend in college.
To suggest that he may have had any misgivings about bearing a
mixed-race child is disingenuous and slanderous to say the least.”
