Friday, 1 June 2012

Enda Kenny Emerges Unscathed From Bunker After Comfortable Yes Vote Win

The Irish nation’s embattled supreme leader cautiously emerged from his secret lair this Thursday to break his vow of silence after weeks of speculation in the media that he may have actually ceased to exist.   

 An unkempt and initially wary looking Mr Kenny greeted reporters and well-wishers with a hesitant trademark thumbs up before briefly joining a huddle of his Minsters of State. Upon being told the results of the Fiscal Treaty Referendum Mr Kenny shared chest bumps with Michael Noonan and Richard Bruton followed by a painfully awkward “high five” with Eamon Gilmore.

His mood elevated, Mr Kenny turned to face reporters and field a question or two.

Asked about his seeming unwillingness to appear in a public debate with bearded Sinn Féin bully boy Gurry Adams, Mr Kenny responded “I think the Irish public understood at the time that a debate would have only brought more questions, and what we needed at the time were answers, not questions.” He continued “But I will say this Mr Adams, if it’s a debate you want, then I’m ready, willing and able!”

Asked whether Mr Kenny was at any time concerned that a No vote would derail the ratification of the treaty by Ireland, he responded, “Quite honestly I think the Irish people need to realise that this treaty was going to come into effect regardless of which way they voted, given that only 12 other member states need to pass the treaty and without having to deal with these distracting referendums.”

“But you know sometimes you need to give people illusions they can believe in, like the belief they have any control on the economic future of this country, or the “idea” that Ireland has economic sovereignty.”

“That’s what makes Democracy great.”

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